Bathroom Reading

Thoughts Triggered by Today's Car Radio Playlist

2011-03-02T14:33:00.005Z

While sitting in I-66 traffic:

Mambo No. 5 - Lou Bega:

When I was in college, I went to one of those all-day festival concerts, put on by a local radio station. Lou and his band were one of the early acts. When he opened with his biggest (and only) hit, we were mildly surprised, but figured, "Hey give the people what they want." Needless to say, when he came back with the same song as song 3 in the set list, we were definitely confused. When the opening strains of Mambo No. 5 appeared as the FIFTH song in the set, the booing and anger forced him to leave the stage mid-tune. Maybe that's why we haven't heard from Lou since 1999.

Footloose - Kenny Loggins:

If Kenny Loggins was on tour and came through town, I think I WOULD make every effort to show up. I mean "Footloose", "Danger Zone", "I'm Alright", "This is It", etc...

The only thing better would be if Peter Cetera opened for him and sang "Glory of Love".

Oh wait, he IS touring... minor league baseball stadiums. Hell yes! http://www.kennyloggins.com/tour.php

Rock This Town - Stray Cats:

Do you think Brian Setzer is okay with the fact that after making Big Band music relevant again for ohjustaboutthisverylongandnowthemomenthaspassed, now he's relegated to playing radio station New Year's Eve parties for the rest of his career? He was a rebel! Full-sleeve tattoos! Rockabilly Punk! And now, its nothing but bowties and tuxedos...

Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd:

Well, at least it's not the Kid Rock version that blasphemed both Skynyrd and Warren Zevon. What an abomination that was...

Insanity

2010-12-17T18:49:00.003Z

can be defined as doing something over and over, and expecting a different result.

Why don't we learn from our mistakes? Why do we put ourselves in the same position, and think its likely or even possible, that it will turn out differently?

We assume that people (both ourselves and others) will grow with knowledge, that we'll benefit from experience, and make smarter/better/more successful decisions based on that previous time going through it.

WE DON'T.

We put ourselves in the same stupid place, feeling the same hurt/shame/frustration/loneliness as we did the last time, and wondering how we could be so obtuse or delusional.

We take body shots and uppercuts and roundhouses that stagger us, knock us down, leave us breathless, and yet rather than throw in the towel, we get back off the mat and charge right back into it.

It's exhausting getting back up. Sometimes a loss just needs to be a loss. Sometimes you need to go home and lick your wounds. Somehow you need to stop the insanity.

I just wish I knew how...

Just Call Me the Grinch

2010-12-08T03:25:00.003Z

So not to get up on a soapbox, but I need to vent for a minute...

My love/hate history with the #1 shopping holiday of all time is well-documented in my family. Going back to Kindergarten, where I was briefly SUSPENDED for writing in my first journal at school, "I hate Santa Claus", I've always had a tough time accepting our culture's excessive preoccupation with all things Christmas, especially the early start of decorations/music/red&green (usually before Halloween).

But what really sets me off more than anything else about Christmas, is the presumption of my office buildings to set up their festive holiday decorations in our lobbies and common areas. I'm not talking about the generic "winter" decor... snowmen, holly, or poinsettias. Those are all great.

No, specifically I can't stand the 12 foot tall christmas tree and stacks of empty boxes wrapped in Santa paper and bows that I have to pass two to four times a day on my way to/from the parking garage. This isn't even a "bitter Jew" thing either. I don't particularly want them to display a menorah or blue/silver everywhere (for the record, they're not). It's the assumption that everyone celebrates Christmas and therefore wants to see the tree, presents, Santa, etc...

I would never presume that everyone celebrates the same holiday, or even follows a religion that celebrates a holiday at all. So why is it okay to push that decor in common areas that we all have to use? If a coworker wants to decorate her door or office, more power to her, that space is his/hers. But that lobby is used by Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, and countless other employees. We have 2,000 employees in our HQ building alone. I can't be the only one who feels like a plain "Winter Wonderland" display would be far more appropriate.

So ask you, my readers (if there are any of you left), am I grossly overreacting, or is it fair to assume that my place of employment should be more temperate and moderate in their pageantry?

"Look Ma, No Hands"

2010-11-16T19:52:00.002Z

Disclaimer: The content of this post may not be suitable for younger readers (then again, I did title this blog Bathroom Reading, so I guess it fits right in).

There is a British gent in my department here at work, who I encounter on occasion in the men's room. As I wash my hands and prepare to leave, I can't help but notice the fact that he "does his business" at the urinal, with both hands on his hips. Obviously this means he's relieving himself without ensuring a specific aim for his stream.

I'm not sure why this troubles me. I haven't gone to the effort of looking closer to see if he's just so well equipped that he doesn't need any control with his hands (nor am I about to start checking for that), but for some reason his lack of concern about the potential for hosing down the wall or his trousers for that matter makes me uncomfortable.

I'm pretty sure I've tried that move myself once or twice, and while no accidents occurred, the lack of a specific target definitely provided possible mistakes. And not to say I spend a lot of time checking out my urinal compatriots, but I definitely don't see a majority of men working without a safety net so to speak.

What makes this guy so pompous/confident/arrogant/carefree that he can just powerwash away with disregard to his backspray?

Men, am I just ignorant to think we should paying attention to how we paint the walls? Ladies, would you find this sort of devil-may-care approach attractive?

Happy Halloween

2009-10-29T19:29:00.003Z

Halloween Costume ideas for the Halloween party I never knew I always wanted to go to...

Western/Denim Shirt backwards + leather skirt or jeans backwards + cowboy boots and hat = Reverse Cowgirl

Tool belt + Sex Toys + wrapping paper + bow = Stimulus Package

Lebron James or Brady Quinn Jersey + toy iron = Cleveland Steamer

Sombrero + mud on face and clothes + pencil thin mustache = Dirty Sanchez

Any other suggestions???

Off to a Slow Start

2009-09-29T14:34:00.002Z

I worked out this morning.

That's actually newsworthy, because I am extremely unmotivated to work out historically. I was blessed with a superhigh metabolism, that seems to be slowing down dramatically. I've always been "athletic" since I was a child, I played 15 years of soccer, a few seasons of basketball, rowed crew, and now as an adult I manage to shoehorn various seasons of kickball, soccer, flag football, softball, and bowling into my schedule, often at the same time of year. (Yes, I realize many of those sports require little running and mass quantities of alcohol consumption.)

I saw a picture of myself from this past weekend that a friend posted on FB yesterday. There's no way that could be me. I've been treating myself horribly of late. Too much fried/fast food, too much beer, not enough sleep, and obviously next to zero amounts of exercise.

So after crew this morning (just coaching), I worked out. Nothing fantastic, just some lifecycle and some elliptical work. It's a start, maybe. A few months ago, I tried to get into running. I signed myself up for a 5K, started running at least 3 times a week. I got through 4 weeks of training, caught a cold, and used it as an excuse to stop training. I still ran the 5K, (well ran and walked it). But that's been my history with exercise.

I have trouble with the motivation. Today was a start. Now I just have to make myself do it again either tomorrow or Thursday. And keep myself away from McDonald's, Popeyes, and Yuengling.

Repentance

2009-09-28T13:07:00.002Z

So here we are again, another year down, another Yom Kippur upon us. Another chance to truly step back and think about the mistakes we've made and the misdeeds we've done.

I haven't had a very good year in all honesty. Far more often than is acceptable, I've been hurtful and dishonest to people I claim to (or really do) care about. Many of them have moved on, and left me behind, probably to their own advantage.

Additionally, there are those in my life, who I don't know if I wronged, but they believe I do, and have also moved on, shut me out, and said goodbye. I am guilty of mistreating them as well, because even if they just think I did something, true or not, the fact that they have reason to make those conclusions is on me.

I don't feel much like a good person lately. I'm not sure when I became so selfish and presumptious. I'm hesitant to commit to plans, even with people I care about and haven't seen, because I'm worried something else (better?) might be coming up as well. I've drifted away from family, definitely drifted away from friends, and treated girls in ways that I remember them treating me when I was young, and clearly hated.

This has not been close to my best year. Apparently my actions lead people to discuss my behavior behind my back, and share "secrets" with those who could ultimately be hurt. I'm guilty for that as well, because again any reason to discuss my behavior, whether truth or rumor, comes back to how I act.

I want to be better. I want to improve, and cherish the people who still think I have value. This post isn't meant to be a blanket apology for my past actions or deeds, just an acknowledgment that I wasn't as good as I should have been, and I do feel the effects of that behavior. Those I have lost this year, I really will miss, and those who are considering leaving, I don't blame. I'm driving you all away.

So I'll try to improve, I'll try to think harder about the impact of my life on others, and maybe next year, I won't feel quite so compelled to write this post.

I Don't Get Madison Avenue

2009-09-17T13:36:00.003Z

I work in communications, so I consider myself more media-savvy that the average duck. I even dabble in the advertising industry occasionally for my clients, suggesting creative direction or copywriting for things that may actually appear on TV and radio.

That being said, I don't understand why the Mad Ave suits think we as consumers are more receptive to foreign accents.

Exhbit A: The Geico gecko... Why? Why? WHY is he Australian? Have we always had a latent desire to buy our insurance from Down Under? Are Aussies known for their insurance? And even more simply, geckos are from all over the world. Every time I visit the fam in Florida, I see geckos crawling all over the walls and floors, I don't have to go to Oz to see one.

(and don't get me started on the nimrodery that is the Geico cavemen.)

Exhibit B: The Nasonex bee... I had to double check this online, because I was reasonably certain I recognized the voice, and yep, its Antonio Banderas. I get it, women swoon for him, but as an animated bee? Are you more likely to rush out for nasal spray? Does it help sell product that the man can't pronounce half the ad, but he has Latin flavor?

On one hand, I know the counterargument is "But PRSlave, you're talking about them here now, so clearly the ads stick with you."

Indeed... but I'm so anti-talking Spanish bees that I intentionally go out and buy other generic nasal sprays just to avoid picturing Bee Movie en Espanol. And Geico, I inherited from my parents, and I'm rapidly considering switching just to not be associated with the cavemen. I do find "Flo the Nationwide woman" rather earnest...

What about you? Any ads defy reason for y'all?

FINAL UPDATE - This Isn't the Make A Wish Foundation

2009-09-04T20:02:00.003Z

So apparently the meeting went down this past Sunday. I was spared having to attend by the board, and for that I'm eternally grateful. I'm told that he handled it gracefully, and understood that not only was it about his own personal safety, but the safety of his fellow rowers needed to be taken into consideration.

However, I'm told from different sources, who saw him after the fact, that he was deeply hurt and fairly resentful of how it went down. I completely empathize. I feel awful that I'm a part of taking away something that not only was emotionally important to him, but also a crucial part of his physical activity to slow the advancement of the disease.

He came up to me on Tuesday to thank me for my coaching, and to "say goodbye". It was 8 minutes of total awkwardness where I tried to assure him that I admired his efforts to stay active and it was a pleasure to coach him. It was one of those conversations with no end though, no simple, "well, take care" to get yourself out of. Just me and him staring at each other, not trying to make too much eye contact.

He'll still be around the boathouse. He was given a "lifetime membership" to use the facilities and to thank him for all his time and efforts to improve the program. Hopefully he'll keep coming down and working out, and (selfishly) hopefully I won't have to talk to him too much anymore... now we have 2 months to try and teach the rest of his group how to really row...

UPDATE - This Isn't The Make a Wish Foundation

2009-08-26T14:03:00.002Z

So it took two more months before people finally got fed up with his condition...

If you're joining the party late, one of the rowers I coach is fighting Parkinson's Disease. I feel awful because I totally admire his effort and dedication to keep exercising to do anything he can to slow the advancement of his condition. But watching him day-by-day has become exhausting and frustrating. He is incapable of squaring his blade (the part of the oar that enters the water - must be vertical to push water during a stroke) and doesn't have the muscle control to lower the blade into the water (instead just lightly dipping a couple inches of the blade in, and pulling it about 6 inches toward himself).

So two months after I first posted about this, the club has decided he's a liability. I had to meet with two members of our board this morning to discuss how to tell him he can no longer row. We've decided to take the "safety" approach in that it is too dangerous to have someone that big, who can't help lift, carry, or properly row the boat, and that it affects the rest of his boat too dramatically to be 100 percent safe.

Hopefully he's more aware of how far advanced his condition is, than I think he is. I feel awful every practice letting him slide with excuses about how the shoes don't fit, or the boat is rigged improperly, but its better to let him save face than to constantly yell at him to get his oar deeper or come farther up the slide, when he quite clearly can't.

We're going to try to allow him to save face, by offering him a lifetime membership to the club, and some sort of honorary status for his time served on the board in the past. Hopefully, this will all go smoothly, but I confess that I really don't want the responsibility of telling someone they just can't do something they love anymore...

My Life History is Apparently NSFW

2009-08-17T01:33:00.003Z

So I've refrained from writing about my new job here so far.

Several reasons I guess, when you've had as tough a time keeping one as I've had, you don't want to jinx it. But the first three months have gone fairly well, and I enjoy myself more often than not.

But something happened yesterday I need to vent about, even though its only tangentially related to work...

My boss and I have mutual acquaintances. We're both part of a large social network here in the city based around intramural sports, and as a result we knew many of the same people, even before I met for my first interview. I didn't realize we had those connections until after the interview though, when I was trying to figure out why his name sounded so familiar.

Apparently when he was informed of our mutual connections (I thought it was fair to warn him at interview 2 so he'd have all the background), he gave serious thought to passing on me because of the potential social dangers. Fortunately, my resume/interviews/dazzling smile must have won him over, because here I am.

Apparently some time in the last 3 months, he was at a sports-related social event with our mutual friends, one of whom is a past girlfriend of mine. For reasons that I cannot begin to fathom, she chose to tell him about our romantic history, including the detail that I was her first.

Yes, she told my boss I took her V card...

He informed me of this last night when we were working late on a project, and to distract ourselves we were discussing how she tends to overshare information. I knew she did that, but I figured she had enough self-control to think, maybe PRSlave's boss doesn't need to know about his sex life... apparently I was wrong.

Needless to say I've been stunned all day. Trying to decide the right response. Do I confront her and tell her how unacceptable that is? Do I let it go, knowing that she's an oversharer and that she has a particular issue staying quiet about me (she thinks I'm still the one, even though I've told her I'm not)?

I Love DC Sometimes

2009-08-05T16:29:00.002Z

There's a FedEx truck parked in front of my office building.

It has three parking tickets on the windshield...

This isn't the Make a Wish Foundation

2009-06-16T14:01:00.003Z

As I may or may not have mentioned here before, I have a side job in my free time (read: ass-crack early pre-dawn hours), coaching rowing. It's something I love, and get a lot of enjoyment of, even as I've evolved from a young "hip" coach of high schoolers, into an older "experienced" coach of adults.

My current program is a group of adults with 1-6 years experience, who are interested in recreational, but not competitive rowing. This makes my job significantly easier, because I don't have to push them to a breaking point, mostly just get them back in one piece, and with no equipment damage (some days harder than others).

The program is made up of men and women between about 35 and 60 years old, most of whom are what we would politely call "out of shape." To their credit, they get up at 5am, 3 days a week, and come down and work out, and do their best to slow the ravages of age.

One of my rowers, in particular, has a harder fight than most. He's suffering from the early stages of Parkinson's Disease. His body is no longer able to stand up straight, his shoulders slump and round as though he has scoliosis. Despite this, he shows up, every single practice, never takes himself out, never complains. I want to admire him for that, I really do...

Except he's KILLING my boat...

I know its a non-competitive program, and so far, almost no one has complained to me about his situation and how it makes them worse. But he has lost all flexibility in his body, he doesn't have strength to pull his torso back up the slide in time for each stroke with the rest of the team, and his hands are so shaky that he's unable to drop his oar fully into the water to take a stroke. He mostly just waves it weakly over the river.

Today his oarlock popped open mid-row, and while its no burden to stop and let him fix the situation, we all had to sit there for 3 minutes and watch his hands shake as he tried to adjust the clasp. It's just sad and painful. I was hesitant even to take them out on the water today, as we had to row with just four today since so many other people were absent.

Knowing he'd be unable to keep up, and with the instability of a four, I was nervous to say the least. We did get back without any drama or incident, but I don't know how much longer I can argue that he's not a safety hazard. I don't want to ever be the kind of coach who cuts someone from a program, especially someone who loves rowing that much. He watched two daughters row in high school and college, and now has been rowing himself for 10-15 years.

But what do I do? His situation is limiting the other rowers ability to improve. They'll never have a boat that glides after strokes or is fully set as long as he's sitting there. I just sat there following them in the launch today, with no desire to really "coach" their technique, I just made sure they didn't collide into a bridge or buoy.

Am I being uncharitable by wanting to pull him? Or should I let him keep going for as long as he's physically capable?

Musings on This Weekend's Wedding

2009-06-10T15:08:00.002Z

Why do they call it a rehearsal dinner? Have you ever felt the need to practice eating for other occasions of your life?

I'll be reading from "Apache Blessing" during the ceremony, yet I'm Jewish, the bride is Irish and the groom is Mexican...

The bride and groom keep telling friends to "crash the reception" at the end of the night. Apparently its not considered gauche to have extra people show up once the dinner course is cleared out?

The maid of honor demanded that she wear a different dress than the rest of the bridesmaids, apparently she forgot that this wedding isn't for her.

The wedding is across the street from the White House. It would be tragic if the motorcade rolled through mid-ceremony (shit, I better not have jinxed that)...

Rieslings, Viogniers, and Gewurtztraminers... Oh My!

2009-06-01T14:36:00.002Z

Any of you who have met me in real life (which is almost no one) knows that one of my favorite weekends of the year is the Virginia Wine Festival. It's actually two weekends a year, because additionally there is an event called Vintage Virginia (this past weekend). For the past 9 years, I've dragged a bunch of friends into VA horse country to traipse around a muddy field and drink (mostly bad) Virginia wine. This year I decided to shake things up a bit...

Yesterday, I stepped over to the other side of the pouring station, and worked for one of the wineries, Cardinal Point, from Afton, VA. After spending the past week trying to memorize all their various selections, and reviewing tasting notes (e.g. smells like pineapple, with hints of honey, gooseberry, and lychee) and pairing information (lightly breaded crabcakes with a spicy remoulade, or soft scrambled eggs with mushrooms and butter), I felt I was ready.

The people were great... Cardinal Point is a family run winery, and it shows in the way they interact with each other. Everyone is friendly, relaxed, and there to sell wine, but make sure that have fun while they do. I couldn't have asked for a better group of tutors to steer me as I acted the "expert" for a crowd of strangers, from white trash to wine snobs. That being said, I quickly picked up a few things from the large crowd that I was pouring for:

1) No one is impressed with my command of French, German, and Italian wine phrases. They're all too busy holding out their glasses for more.

2) 95 percent of the attendees are actively looking to get drunk. If they feel your tasting pours are too small, they'll be all too happy to let you know this.

3) You can tell people pretty much anything about wine, and they'll believe you. I was making up all sorts of food choices to go with our wines... pasta salad - Yes! pork chops - Yes! Tastes like blackberry - Of course it does!

4) From 11-2 there is one group of tasters at the festival; they stand there thoughtfully absorbing every word you say, pretending to swirl the wine around the glass, admiring the "legs", and then trying to come up with adjectives to impress their friends. After 2pm, the other group starts showing up; "hey, ummm y'all got some whites??"

Nonetheless, I had a total blast, got paid in wine for my time (best paycheck ever, btw), and made new friends who will hopefully have me back at future festivals. So what's the final lesson?

If you're interested in drinking some wine in the next month or two, give me a call... I'm really well stocked!

Wanderlust

2009-04-23T20:37:00.003Z

I was driving a friend to the airport this afternoon. She's also unemployed, so naturally our conversation centered around what we do with our free time, as well as what we have the potential to do with our days. I suppose I should mention that the reason she's on her way to the airport is because she's spending the next three weeks in Australia.

The trip I couldn't pull off for my 30th birthday... (and yes, I'm still bitter).

But she's also considering a month-long trip to Africa in late June, and suggested that I should tag along with her and a couple of her friends. Her line of thinking is that she's at a point in her life where this the only time she'll have the opportunity, so what's the harm in increasing her debt a bit, to have a potentially amazing trip and life experience.

She told me while speaking to her mother on the phone last week she said,

"Losing my job is the best thing that ever happened to me."

I can't relate to that... I agonize, I wallow, I stress daily. I spend significant amounts of my time applying for jobs, and significant amounts of time checking my bank account balances. Not that I'm in any current danger right now, I'm decent with money and I collect unemployment. But I can't convince myself that it makes any sense to throw caution to the wind and treat myself to a vacation that I haven't had in years.

I just drive and shake my head... I'd rather not care.

A New Low

2009-03-30T19:01:00.003Z

So I've resisted the urge to write posts about/inspired by my current employment situation, partially due to a lack of inspiration, partially not to dwell on the frustration of it all.

But I have to come clean today as I'm trying to distract myself from the interview last week I'm sure I nailed, yet haven't heard back from, and I've clearly hit rock bottom in the self-entertainment arena. (No, not that kind of self-entertainment).

I find myself on-demanding the Sex in the City movie. Yes, its true. Commence with the mockery...

Worst part is, I've never even watched an episode of the show.

I need work.

Nice Guys Don't Finish At All

2009-02-23T22:44:00.004Z

People always want us to be more aggressive, more assertive, more proactive...

"Nice guys finish last."

"The early bird catches the worm."

"Only 303 more shopping days till Christmas."

I've never been good at it. As long as I think back, I'm so self-conscious about stepping on people's toes, pushing the wrong button, or upsetting the apple cart that I end up taking the path of least resistance and biding my time, assuming that in the end, my charm, looks, talent, and/or luck will win out.

It hasn't worked much in the last 29+ years, so I dont know why I'm so hesitant to change my approach. One of the things that I think comes from being an only child, is I never had to push anyone out of the way to get what I wanted. Either I did, or I didn't, but it wasn't because of a lack of effort. Now that goals and rewards are placed out in front of me with disturbing frequency, I assume that prizes should be given on merit and not on passion, which I believe are different and usually mutually exclusive.

But that doesn't seem to be the case much lately. People get rewarded for putting on a show, even if their results are misguided or wrong, and those of us who stay the course, are left off the medal stand, eating carryout Chinese on their own, and watching The Illusionist on HBO for the 9th time. (Still not as good as The Prestige...)

This Says So Much About Me...

2009-02-23T19:53:00.003Z

me: did you figure out my toga yet for Saturday's party?

KB: hahaha
you need to tell me what kind of material we're working with!

me: i'm open to suggestions

KB: zebra print

me: sure?

KB: lol
nah, you're too classy
oh! we should find some sheets
i have scooby doo ones
you want those?
i mean, i don't personally
my cousins do
but i can steal them for a good cause
or like transformers
those would be cool
i was always jealous of my brother's transformers
barbie did NOTHING cool

me: scooby would be cool. it's too bad you dont have girl cousins. it would be way funnier if they were jem and the holograms or something

KB: hahahaha
i am fairly positive my mom still has NKOTB sheets from my heyday
but those would have been doubles
we need singles

me: haha

KB: and yes, you're absolutely right

me: jem was truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous

KB: oh my god
we were so meant to be friends
because i totally agree

me: either that or I'm flamingly gay since I know stuff like her normal alter ego was Jerrica

Unprofessionalism

2009-02-11T23:30:00.004Z

I met with a recruiter yesterday, who found me on a generic job posting/resume site. He's been blowing up my email box for a few days now, with everything from compliments about how my resume stands out from the other 1,500 he's read recently, to his "interviewing tip guide" to emails telling me what to wear.

I appreciate his situation, after all, his livelihood is based on finding quality candidates who not only meet specific job listing criteria, but then have to impress potential employers enough to get hired... that being said, I find it unbelievably rude, that after having me choose the time of our appointment, and confirming it twice, he was still 40 minutes late to come out and meet me. I just sat there in front of the receptionist with a glass of water twiddling my thumbs. Once he brought me in, he asked me when our appointment was.

"11:00," I said.

"Good, then I'm not running late!"

I managed to stifle the fact that I found 11:50 to be late for an 11:00 meeting. Clearly I'm too nice. Anyway, the meeting was mostly productive, some of his suggestions are blatantly obvious to pretty much anyone who's ever applied for a job. Some of them are useful enough to help shape my responses to typical questions I'll probably be getting in the near future. He seems convinced that I'm a perfect fit for one particular job he is trying to fill, so we'll see where that goes.

The drawback is I felt I had to lie about one piece of my background. Past readers will remember the drama of 2 years ago and my employment situation, but I can't always bring myself to advertise that I was dismissed from a prior position. I've spent so much time with my revisionist answer about moving on to escape an oppressive office culture, that I almost believe it at this point. Hopefully that fib won't come back to bite me.

Sorry I haven't been writing, to those limited few of you who occasionally check up on me. Life has changed a bit the last few months, and I've been pretty blocked up creatively. I'll try to keep you all abreast of the changes, and perhaps keeping a pseudo-diary of this process will open me up a little.

If there's anything you think I should be reporting on, let me know. Happy to oblige!

Wrong Diagnosis

2008-12-01T05:00:00.004Z

How do you come to a conclusion?

You add up the facts, the empirical data, the relevant experience, and using your past knowledge and pre-existing biases, you come to the answer that provides the best fit to reflect the information at your disposal.

But what if the conclusion reached seemingly contradicts your data?

I watch a lot of the TV show House, MD. Almost every episode follows the same formula: Patient comes in exhibiting an array of symptoms, Dr. House and his team break down all possible solutions that could provide a match to those symptoms, and systematically start checking off the possibilities until only one is left. However, if you've ever seen the show, you're aware that usually they manage to exhaust all of their options and end up coming up with a solution that the first 50 minutes of the episode never even provided to the viewer.

This has always been my biggest pet peeve of the show. You certainly wouldn't want to take your child/mother/father/wife/husband to a doctor who spent several days treating the wrong ailment and giving him/her the wrong medicine, regardless of how brilliant a reputation they may have.

So what do you do when you receive a diagnosis you think is wrong? Do you just take the prescription provided, and hope that maybe the doctor was right? Do you seek alternate counsel?

I think I'm looking for a second opinion...

Not Related to the Election at All...

2008-11-05T14:28:00.002Z

Not that I'm not psyched as the rest of you though.

So last night I had a dream in which I was the new keyboard player for Metallica. It should be pointed out that I don't know how to play the keyboard and can barely read music. Fortunately for me, my "keyboard" was actually a QWERTY keyboard where each letter randomly played a note or chord. This became rather helpful since "cat" and "dog" made some pretty badass music.

It should also be pointed out that I don't actually listen to Metallica, and I'm reasonably certain they don't have/need a keyboard player in the first place...

Apparently I Don't Have A Twin

2008-10-31T19:07:00.002Z

I saw her staring at me from a quarter block away...

"Excuse me, are you PRSlaveDC?"

In my head, all I could think was "I swear I've never slept with this girl before..."

"Ummm, yeah..."

"I'm Miss L, I'm friends with C."

"Oh, well hi?"

"Yeah, are you going to see C, now?"

"No, I was just going to get lunch."

"Oh, well I just recognized you and wanted to say hi."

"Alright... well it was nice to meet you then. See you soon..."

I guess my photographs do me justice after all...

(Semi-)Live Blogging My Fast

2008-10-09T17:18:00.010Z

So for the first time in at least a couple of years, I decided to be a good Jew this Yom Kippur and withhold food for a full calendar day, in an effort to fully repent for my sins over the past year. Either that or my dad's guilt finally caught up with me and this was an easy way for me to get on his good side...

7:15pm: Put down knife and fork from the 16oz steak I just inhaled. Wonder if there's time before synagogue for me to order a second one. Decide that I don't need to request forgiveness for gluttony. Exit restaurant.

7:35pm: Enter synagogue for the first time in 3 years. Notice that they rebuilt the entry way. Point out OH-SO-CUTE picture of me being confirmed when I was 16 on the wall. Remember how awkward I was from ages 4-19.

8:00pm: Rabbi enters the sanctuary. I'm impressed I still recognize him.

8:15pm: How can I still remember all these Hebrew prayers? I can barely remember to mail my gas bill, but I can recite the Maariv Aravim without looking down?

8:45pm: Rabbi's sermon is connecting Jewish guilt with our nation's economic crisis. It is also beginning to sound like an Obama campaign speech. While I can't disagree with his point, I wonder how many rich Jews in the room are secretly planning rabbi's ouster from the congregation.

9:45pm: "Good Yuntuf to all". Time to go home and fall asleep before I crave Stone Cold Steve Ice Cream.

10:45pm: Bedtime... At least I can sleep through a third of this fast.

8:00am: Alarm goes off. Roll out of bed. Although I never would have already eaten this early, can taste the bagel I won't be getting this morning.

9:00am: Arrive at work. Debate if G-d will be mad at me if I snack before anyone else shows up. If no coworkers see me eat, does it really count as cheating?? Decide the possible lightning strike through my window isn't worth the risk.

10:15am: Have first sip of water today. Yes, its technically against the rules, but so is bathing. I need to take my vitamins, and I managed to take a shower this morning without getting smited, so pills require fluid.

11:10am: Turn down 2nd request of the day for lunch w/ a friend. Silly goyim, don't they know I can't be tempted by Corner Bakery and Cosi?

12:25pm: Start to get up from desk to run across the street and get hot bar. Remember that I'm actually fasting. Feel hungry for the first time all day.

1:05pm: Hunger stomachache has arrived. Internally debate the sense of a religion that requires its followers to starve themselves, even if only for a day. Decide the year's forgiveness is a worthy reward, as is the potential for a roomier waistband in my jeans.

1:30pm: In an effort to distract myself, I'm now shopping online. Cafepress.com has some great campaign '08 t-shirts, I should totally order one. Plus Wyclef does their commercials so how bad could they be?

2:07pm: I need to drink water, my lips are chapped and I'm thirsty. Sorry G-d, but I don't think half a glass is too much to ask.

2:08pm: Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh...

2:45pm: Need distraction. Start checking my friends' wedding registries for possible gift ideas.

2:55pm: Realize several of my friends want the exact same items from Crate & Barrel. Wonder if C&B offers a discount if you buy in bulk.

3:30pm: Sleepiness is setting in. Start watching Friday Night Lights online to stay awake. Lament NBC's decision to run this season on Direct TV first.

3:57pm: Notice that because I've neither ate nor drank today, I've yet to make any trips to the men's room in the office. No wonder I'm going blurry from staring at the monitor. This may be blog-TMI... nah.

4:30pm: Remember that usually when I fast, I take the day off work, and break fast with my family around 3pm. No wonder this sucks...

5:22pm: Time to start shutting down. Full blown headache in effect. My eyes hurt. Everyone I've talked to online today has mentioned food... cupcakes, pizza, salad, sushi... it doesn't matter, even granola bars and trail mix sounds amazing right now.

6:30pm: Walk into Birchmere... sit down... immediately hail waitress... Pizza and French Fries??? Why the heck not?

7:06pm: First french fry enters my mouth... Oh God that's good... wait did I just take G-d's name in vain? Oh well, I can atone for that next year...

I May Be Psychic

2008-09-03T13:44:00.003Z

Last night, I had a dream in which I left my house and walked to my car. Before I had even driven a block, I realized I had forgotten something, so quickly looped back and double-parked in front of my house.

I was inside for less than 10 minutes before coming back out, and finding my car, not where I left it in front of the house, but instead around the corner, still double-parked. Unfortunately, in addition to having been moved, my car also featured a gigantic dent from where someone had clearly rear-ended me. The entire trunk was caved in, and the lock was busted, so the trunk was wide open. Apparently this gave the other driver the opportunity to clean out my trunk and steal everything in it. No sign of the other vehicle though, so it was totally a hit-and-run. I woke up shortly thereafter...

So why would this make me psychic?

When I awoke this morning, I got ready for practice, threw in my contacts, grabbed my house keys, but couldn't find my car keys. They weren't still in the pocket of the shorts I was wearing last night, they weren't on my counter, or in my gym bag. One time I left them literally in my car's door lock, so I thought that might be an option, but no, no sign of them there either. As I turned away from the car, I caught a glint of metal on the ground mid-street. Yep, there were my keys, middle of the road. I must have dropped them walking into the house last night, and apparently someone (or more than one someone) had driven right over them, because the chain is all bent and mangled. But the car still drives.

Bizarre...

Advanced Whitening Action!

2008-08-12T18:51:00.003Z

My roommate has been stealing my toothpaste for the past three weeks...

I haven't confronted her about it, because well, its toothpaste, and I'm not really sure how you go about challenging someone on that. But I know she has, her tube of Crest has been dead flat since nearly the day she moved in, and while my commitment to dental hygeine isn't fully devout, I'm pretty familiar with my rate of usage. My tube is quickly going flat as well.

I suppose there are many worse things she could be doing, including the usage of other assorted toiletries.

It's certainly not as bad as the roommate who put his cigarettes out on our carpet, and left half-eaten Subway bags strewn across his bedroom floor to attract roaches, squirrels, and other vermin. But as far as I know, he didn't use my bathroom stuff. (Come to think of it, he may not have ever entered the bathroom... glad we got him thrown out of the house.)

She's not as bad as the roommate who somehow went through one roll of toilet paper every 2 days (although in all honesty, she's not far behind). He also took about 3 showers a day, which was remarkable, because sometimes his only activity between them was to eat a bowl of cereal. Not sure how much of a sweat you can work up by pouring milk.

Anyway, she's the next one who chose to move upstairs when a room became open, abandoning the cool summer evenings and warm winter nights of the basement. I'll soon be welcoming my 6th new "neighbor" to the bottom floor. Wonder what he/she will overuse...

A Storm is Brewing

2008-07-23T19:03:00.003Z

It comes on so fast... it always has.

One minute, I'm sitting through a meeting, minding my business, laughing at banal jokes...

Five minutes later, I'm back at my desk, practically seething, nearly hyperventilating over absolutely nothing at all.

"Did something happen?" they ask. But the answer is "no." It's always the same answer.

Don't talk to me, don't try to fix it, don't make half-assed apologies for things you think might have contributed to it. I'm going to just get more upset...

Don't judge me when I lash out, and don't act surprised that I think you're being false.

These storms come on fast in the summer...

Sushi Combo 1

2008-06-11T00:53:00.004Z

Ever since I was young, I've eaten my food one item at a time. No matter what's on my plate, I tend to eat my least favorite food first, saving the best for last...

This caused problems when I was younger, my grandfather used to distract me at the table and have me turn my head. When I looked back, my plate was empty. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson, but no, I still save the tuna nigiri for last when I order sushi, or save the rarest pieces of steak until well after I've finished my baked potato or whatever other side dish they throw at me.

Apparently I extend this philosophy into my overall life as well... I leave the quality people and activities in my circle at arms length, while I let myself get consumed by the mundane and average. This would be okay, except the inevitable conclusion is by the time you've cleaned the rest of the plate, the good stuff is either spoiled, or already gone.

Lately, I think my plate is empty before I mean it to be, and long before I would want it to be. California rolls just aren't as good as tuna nigiri. I need to get to the good stuff sooner...

Reunion

2008-04-04T18:38:00.004Z

"1 new message"

I click. An abbreviated name that means nothing to me.

I almost instanteously delete, just another spam message in the social networking sea. But I don't, I open the link.

I read the first sentence, suddenly I'm 16 again...

It's 4am and we're lying on the hardwood deck of the barn turned recording studio. Sharing an afghan that someone else's grandmother probably made. Huddled off in a corner, under the rafters, where maybe the other 15 people on the deck won't notice, deep in the black darkness of the New Jersey hills.

Tentative hands fumbling, trying to get a sense of where each of us is. Then quickly we scoot closer together, our mouths meet. Our breathing is louder, our mouths smack as they come together then pull apart. I'm sure everyone else can hear us, but for the first time in my life, I don't care. I'm the one being daring, adventurous, in demand.

SHE wasn't even supposed to be there that weekend. It wasn't HER reunion, SHE didn't run away from the mocking and the awkwardness to our summer sanctuary. She was just a friend of our host, who lived near the meeting place when we finally all came back together. But she still fit in.

We met up again four months later. Same location, same result. Something was different that time though. Maybe I expected it too much, it was too easy. Had I actually gotten cocky? She certainly wasn't beneath me.

The next time I returned, just before college, she didn't come. Couldn't come? Who knows...

I visited her friends for prom, not to be her date, someone else's. I don't remember if we even talked that night. Maybe she was a year ahead? It's all hazy.

Twelve years later, I have one new message. But with the click of my mouse, it's still the reunion.

Hmmm, anyone know a pimp who needs a stable?

2008-04-03T15:24:00.001Z

I'm worth $1,117/hr. Ladies, let's start the bidding...

http://hellarity.us/in-bed/

Toxic

2008-03-19T13:03:00.002Z

If you ever have the misfortune of meeting me, I have a key piece of advice for you...

Don't believe any of it.

Don't be swayed by the dorky sense of humor, or the abundant sarcasm, or the incessant pop culture and movie references.

Don't buy into the self-deprecation of my physical flaws, or the constant height jokes, or the eyebrow that raises independently.

Don't be impressed by the trivia knowledge, or the sports statistics I can quote, or how I know all the words to Baby Got Back.

Don't be fleeced by the way I rest my hand lightly on your back, or the direct eye contact, or how I hold doors open.

Don't believe any of it.

You're better off just turning away now, trust me...

Blank Page

2008-03-06T16:56:00.005Z

What does a writer do when he runs out of words?

Forgive the indulgence, I don't really consider myself a "writer", but its too easy to throw that term around. I think we all want to consider ourselves one anyway. It's hard to be a real writer though, when you only post twice a month, and your content generally consists of half-satirical analysis of mid '80s rom-coms and the latest reality show weirdos.

Fifteen years ago, writing consisted of tortured melodramatic poetry over the first girl to turn me down, and badly rhyming song lyrics to music that was never written. Now writing consists of hastily typed text messages with "u" and "ttyl". Capitalization and grammar have vanished. (I refuse to type "LOL" or "OMG").

Now writing consists of press releases about scientific research I don't understand, and powerpoint presentations about the latest innovations for improving our environment.

Now writing consists of one sentence emails to friends and coworkers, not multi-paragraph breakdowns of my weekend or the girls I miss or the new song that speaks to me.

Is writing lonelier now? Less intimate, less passionate as we pass messages along as quickly and straight to the point as we can.

I think I've forgotten how to properly converse, assuming I ever really knew. Only child syndrome, enabled by years as a latchkey kid with a television for a babysitter. Luke Duke and Zack Morris never talked back to me. How I wished they did...

I guess sometimes this blog provides the fitting example of that. What could be more lonely than writing a commentary or question to a potentially global audience, and not having any clue if you'll ever get it answered. Sure I have statcounter to tell me that people clicked and likely read it, and a few of you are nice enough to periodically comment on things you find amusing or relevant, but each time I type here, I have no idea if anyone will respond or identify with what has been written.

Possibly relevant quote I just found online...

"The first word in happiness is 'ha' and the last word in 'lonesome' is 'me." - Paul Westerberg

This was just a writing exercise I needed to try and get my mind working again... sorry its been so long between posts.

Soundtrack

2008-02-21T12:28:00.004Z

I woke up this morning with a song in my head. A song I haven't heard or thought about in a couple of years probably. It's strange how certain songs stick with us, or remind us of a certain person or place in our lives, and will always be associated with those memories. So here's a short list of some of those songs from my life...

"America" by Neil Diamond - Strange start to the list, huh? For some reason, one of my first childhood memories involves going with my mother to her aerobics class. Lots of middle-aged women in tights and legwarmers working out to this song. No idea why this has stuck with me for 25 years...

"Red Red Wine" by UB40 - Probably my father's favorite song when I was younger. It may yet be his favorite, but I hope his taste has evolved since then. If you ever have the (mis)fortune of seeing the tape from my bar mitzvah reception, you'll see me put on quite the karaoke style performance of this. Naturally, that tape doesn't come out much.

"Forever Young" by Alphaville - This is the song that popped into my head this morning. Takes me back to the nerd camp I'm sure I've referenced a few times before in this blog. Went there for four straight summers. Every week we'd have a dance with a consistent playlist that included Bizarre Love Triangle, Birdhouse in Your Soul, and always ended with Stairway to Heaven followed by American Pie. This song also reminds me of the first girl I ever really cared about, which was around 15 or 16 at camp.

"King of Wishful Thinking" by Go West - No, not because its Pretty Woman (b/c let's face it, I'm questionable enough already). Before CDs were the norm in everyone's house, my best friend in middle/high school and I used to make mixtapes basically just by recording the radio for an hour straight. Yeah, the quality sucked, and you had to try and hit pause just before the commercials started, but damn if we didn't rock out to a lot of Amy Grant, Paula Abdul, and Soul Asylum. Somehow this song always seemed to make it on the tape.

"One Week" by Barenaked Ladies - Everyone has that one band that they've seen in concert an inordinate number of times. For me, it's BNL. There was something about the infectious joy they had on stage, combined with their "extemporaneous" freestyle rap songs about whatever town they were in (always the same), that I loved in high school and college. When this song came out, same mixtape friend and I worked for hours to learn all the words to the fast rap section so we could impress people (girls). I've yet to meet a girl who was really impressed by this... oh well.

"#41" by Dave Matthews Band - In college, there was a girl who sang this as her solo with her a cappella group. I don't think we ever spoke more than 10 words to each other, but I must have seen her perform it 5 or 6 different times. There's something so alluring about talent on stage, we never had a date or a kiss, but I know I will remember that girl for the next 60 years.

"Oh L'amour" by Erasure - I like to think everyone has a guilty pleasure 80's song. I may have a lot more than one, but this one sticks out. Back in college, my friend Lauren and I used to go to 80s night at one of the local clubs almost weekly. This song always got us back out on the floor, no matter how tired, drunk, or late it may have been.

"Elegy for Amy" - Pat Mcgee Band - My first. Not the song that was playing my first time, but the song that for some reason reminds me of that relationship, of the long distance we tried to make work, and of the loss of my first "grown-up" relationship. She was always way more into punk rock, but this song would slow her down and bring her back.

"Insomniac" by Billy Pilgrim - I used to think this song was all about me and TLTL, but I've come to realize its really just about me. I think everyone has a song that they can truly identify with, and for some reason, this song just wraps me up and soothes whatever I need to let go.

"Mona Lisa" by Guster - Another song that puts me in my happy place. Doesn't matter if I'm driving, arguing, crying, or in bed with a girl, this song makes everything else around me right. Also ironically the song that was being performed when one of my best friends met his future wife for the first time in my presence. I guess its okay that I relate the song to two different parts of my life.

This is more or less chronological, and obviously, there are so many more. But if I was going to pull together a CD of the first 28 years of PRSlaveDC, this list would be hard to top.

Strange video, but since it triggered the post, I just had to include it...

A Baby Rat is Called a "Kitten"?

2008-02-19T03:57:00.005Z

Things I learned at Pub Quiz tonight...

Yes, a baby rat is in fact called a kitten.

A baby shark is called a cub.

A baby dragonfly is called a "nymph" (yes, it was a whole category).

Christopher Columbus returned to Spain on the Pinta after the Santa Maria shipwrecked.

I may have been the only person in the bar who knew who Goran Ivanisevic is.

This is the flag of Panama.

And apparently David Bowie's wife Iman, once had hair.

Only finished 6 points out of the win though... so with my new knowledge, I'll be back for more...

Today's Overused Expression that Bugs Me (Thanks Bret Michaels!)

2008-01-14T15:07:00.000Z

If you know me at all, you know I'm a ridicuously huge (obsessive? manic?) sports fan who has heard this expression practically daily on Sportscenter for the last 20 years of his life. Yet somehow, until two of the "contestants" on VH1's dating sensation, Rock of Life 2 with Bret Michaels said the phrase within seconds of each other, it didn't occur to me how stupid it really is.

The expression?

"I'm going to give 110 percent..."

I know, I know. It's an obvious one. We hear it all the time, we probably even say it ourselves. All the speaker is trying to convey is that they're going to give their utmost effort, whether its for our football team, finishing that project at work, or earning the right to be first big-haired, multi-tattooed, corseted skank to go down on a former 80's rock star (this week...).

But let's face it, if you're already giving 100 percent, you're giving your all. You're giving everything your body and mind have to offer, so where is this "extra" 10 percent coming from?
It's not like you can steal it from your neighbor... "Oh, Sally is pretty lazy today, she won't notice if I borrow 10 percent from her, so I can really excel!"

Anyway, I know there's hundreds of examples of where people don't really say what they mean, and say something far stupider, so perhaps I'll try to make this a running commentary when they occur to me. I have a feeling ROL2 will provide me with a bit more fodder in the coming weeks... and no, I'm not embarrassed that I watched it, I swear... I mean really, I'm fine with it...

We Put the "Special" in IT Specialist

2008-01-03T18:34:00.000Z

Just returned from an intended web training for my office. The kind of training that we have a full-time, full service IT staff to prepare for...

We have a gorgeous training room, full of new high-tech flat screen overly expensive computers so they can teach us how to make web updates and do all sorts of things that us neanderthals don't know how to do.

So naturally, 2/3 of the computers wouldn't let us log in because of a security overload. Half of those who could log in, were stymied when they discovered that Microsoft Office wasn't loaded on their machines.

It will be at least 45 minutes until basic updates are made so people can I start the training.

I won't be returning for it... At least I can go back to my regularly scheduled celebrity gossip.

Bad Idea Bears

2007-12-12T18:24:00.000Z

From Avenue Q:

Bear 1: "Hey Princeton, what are you doing tonight?"
Princeton: "Probably just watching tv."
Bear 2: "You know what goes great with tv? Beer!"
Princeton: "I'm unemployed, I can't afford beer."
Bear 1: "You can afford a six-pack."
Princeton: "Well, maybe a six-pack."
Bear 2: "You know what's better than a six-pack? A whole case!"
Princeton: "A case of beers? No, I can't get a whole case."
Bear 1: "But you're on a budget! You're wasting money in the long run if you don't buy in bulk!"
Princeton: "Well I guess that makes sense."
Bears 1 and 2: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!"

I was a Bad Idea Bear this weekend...

Never mind that my friend's sister was coming home from Iraq for the first time in five months.

Never mind that the last time she and I went out wine tasting together, she sat on the ground for 2 hours puking her guts out.

Never mind that we already had plans to go out drinking later that night.

I wanted to go wine tasting, and I wasn't taking no for an answer. So wine tasting we went. I sort of wish I could say something catastrophic happened, but no. Just a day of fun in the Virginia wine country, followed by a further night of drinking for someone's birthday.

But ever since this weekend, I've been thinking about being the bear. The power. The persuasion. It's fun to convince people to do things they're not sure they want to.

When I was unemployed for so long, I had people trying to convince me to get out of the house, take a chance, have some fun. More often than not, I shot them down.

Was it responsible? Perhaps... but was I miserable and depressed? Quite certainly.

So in 2008, I think I want to be a little less boring. I want to be a little more impulsive, and stop playing it safe. It is time for me to listen to my Bad Idea Bears, and to start being one for other people too. After all, what could go wrong?

Last Night's Dream

2007-12-03T15:12:00.000Z

I rarely remember my dreams, even this one has a few gaps, so bear with me. I thought it might be worth sharing for your entertainment though...

Apparently I was the star of a romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore. The plot seemingly followed Never Been Kissed, with me in the Michael Vartan role (and yes, I know that's quite a stretch).

Basically I was a high school English teacher (my real-life fallback if this PR thing doesn't work out), and Drew was another teacher in school (NOT a high school student!) who I slowly found myself falling for. Judy Greer was the quirky librarian best friend, whose best scene was when she fell into the boys locker room, only to have the entire soccer team break into song while she was in there.

I'm pretty sure they were singing "My Boyfriend's Back". It was one of those great scenes where somehow the entire high school group all knows the same dance, and no one thinks it the slightest bit odd they're breaking into song.

So anyway, the next big scene involved me chasing Drew around the school grounds, while she drove inside in the building on the athletic department's lawnmower. Naturally, she ends up chasing me back out of the building while still driving. I'm not really sure why I was chasing her.

And as all good dreams do, I sadly was woken by my alarm long before we could reach the climatic speech in which I say something witty that women will be dreaming about for the rest of their lives.

I watch too many cheesy high school movies...

It's Tough to Be a Baby

2007-11-27T15:39:00.000Z

I'm feeling pretty blah today, what with Sean Taylor's tragic death, and the grey weather, so I turned back the clock to try and cheer myself up.

Remember French pop legend "Jordy"? The Guinness record holder for youngest singer ever to top the charts...

And he performs for the best and brightest... check out old school Prince and Whitney!

But if that wasn't enough... he's back. According to wikipedia, he became emanicipated in 1996, and returned to the spotlight as the winner of the smash French hit reality show Le Firme Celebrities 2, in 2005.

And if you want to hear what he sounds like in 2007...

www.myspace.com/jordymusique

Couch Withdrawal

2007-11-13T19:13:00.001Z

It's only fitting that since I spent pretty much the entire last year dreaming about being back in an office, the reality of being back there wouldn't quite live up to the fantasy.

It's a big shock to the system to have to remember things like keycards, and outlook passwords, and that I tend to crash around 3pm unless I'm on my 3rd Coke of the day.

When you spend nearly 3 years working in a large office, full of young, happy, athletic co-eds who look forward to happy hour; you don't really picture that your next job will be in a small department, where you're the youngest employee by 10 years, and the entire building will be staffed by moms and grandfathers.

My lunch options seem so limited, even though 2 months ago, I could barely afford Mcdonald's once a week. Now the variety of High Noon, Cosi, Potbelly, and Sizzling Express becomes stale, as I crave...

what exactly???

Something other than this. Something besides the confusion of projects with minimal to no explanation. Something with leadership and direction with a set start and end date. Something with opportunities to write and talk to new people and interact with someone other than my Facebook Scrabble opponents. Something with 20-something girls in wool skirts and knee-high boots. Something with steaks and sushi?

But I'm going to try to get used to it...

Skipping the Post-Game Handshake

2007-10-29T15:26:00.000Z

I want Tom Brady to get drilled in the knee and tear his ACL.

This is a new feeling for me, one that I'm struggling to accept. I don't particularly dislike Tom Brady, and as a former athlete I believe dirty plays are the lowest form of thuggery. However, after watching yesterday's game between the Patriots and Redskins, I have lost all respect for the Patriots organization, particularly their coach Bill Belichick, whom I had previously considered the best coach in football.

In case you haven't heard, the Pats beat up on the Skins 52-7, in a game that featured an even larger disparity than perhaps the score indicates. The lingering question from the game is whether or not the Patriots ran up the score late in the 4th quarter, breaking a unwritten rule of league etiquette.

So far the national media seems surprisingly unfazed by Belichick's decision to go for fourth down conversions up 38 and 45 points respectively. Allow me to protest then...

Sports, in its most basic capacity, serves as an outlet for competition that prevents people from using their competitive urge in a method which could prove hazardous or dangerous to those around them. The early Olympics were an effort to reduce the fighting of the various Greek nation-states by allowing them to compete against each other without death or war. As a result, the concept of sportsmanship has evolved through the centuries, so that the combatants each go home at the end of the day, beaten or victorious, but with the knowledge that they can try again next game. The respect amongst athletes gets passed down and taught to our children, as they line up and shake hands at the end of a hockey game, or when the ball is intentionally played out of bounds when a soccer player gets injured.

Belichick and the Patriots are slapping the rules of sportsmanship straight across the mouth. By leaving his all-world quarterback in the game, already up 38 points, with less than 10 minutes to go, he is telling the NFL world to go screw themselves. This attitude is most likely a response to the "Spygate" issue from the beginning of the season, and his attempt to prove that he can win without cheating. But there is winning, and winning ungracefully. Don't claim that its more insulting to kick a field goal, or that you needed to get your backup QB more work by going for it on 4th downs. Respect your opponent, respect the game, or else fear that someday it will come back on you.

The Redskins players and coaches said all the right things in postgame interviews. They had no problem with the Patriots approach, and it was their job to make the stops and get the other team off the field. But secretly, I'm certain that a few of them are mad they didn't take the effort to chase Brady down after a play, and spear him in the knee. What's a 15 yard penalty and a small fine worth compared to your dignity and honor?

It's true that I take this more personally because it happened to my beloved burgundy and gold, but the fact remains that New England has been running up the score all season against people. Sooner or later, karma is going to decide that it doesn't like to be shown up, and when that happens Bill Belichick, I hope you enjoy trying to keep Randy Moss happy when Matt Cassel can't get him the football.

How to Make a Living Without Really Trying

2007-10-19T19:10:00.000Z

So some of you who follow my blog closely may be wondering how it’s possible to survive in a major metropolitan city for over a year without a real job during that time. I figured it couldn’t hurt to pull together a quick primer of pros and cons of unemployment, and some tips that can help you stretch your dollars and cents until that next gig comes along.

Pros of Being Jobless
As evidenced by the random inspiration for many of my posts in the last annum, the first benefit of being jobless is an abundance of free time. No longer are you burdened by that pesky 7am alarm going off. Want to sleep till 11? Who cares! Want to eat breakfast at 5pm in nothing but your socks? Go for it! (Just make sure your roommates aren’t coming home yet, unless they’re used to seeing you in your full glory.)

The next benefit of being jobless is the ability to focus on cultural phenomena that previously escaped your attention. Want to fully appreciate the douche-ness that is Spencer Pratt? Don’t worry; there is a marathon of The Hills on MTV approximately every 3 days. Even if you’ve missed season 1 and 2, I guarantee Viacom will help you get caught up.

Believe it or not, your friends and family will be strong advocates of your new-found freedom and liberation. Suddenly, you can take their car into the shop for that oil change they’ve been putting off, and there’s someone to pick Grandma up from her dermatologist appointment. “I know, PRSlave can do it!”

It’s not all menial labor though; your friends are usually good for a guilt trip or three.
“Hey, PRSlave, want to come meet us for lunch today for X’s birthday?”
“I’d love to guys but I just don’t think I can afford it right now.”
“Don’t worry, we got you covered.”

Who doesn’t love free food?

(Note: This approach can only be used a maximum of twice per friend, unless you’re either dating them or they are a blood relation.)

A final pro is a bit dicey, but can be pulled it off if you know how to sell yourself. Apparently, there can be something attractive about the guy with no job. I don’t know if these girls are looking to rebel against their parents, (“Well dad, he has no prospects, and no way of supporting himself, but he’s really nice!”) or if they’re just charitable to the needy, but the downtrodden, emotionally drained look can work for you if need it to.

Cons of Being Jobless
Yes, it’s true. Most of the lifestyle of being unemployed is exactly as fruitless and depressing as you’d expect. I’ve outlined some of the key negatives here so perhaps any future jobseekers will avoid my mistakes.

Just because you no longer have a reason to shower first thing in the morning, doesn’t mean it is okay to go more than two full days without bathing. Your roommates don’t pay to deal with the funk.
Your dining trends tend to dwindle as time goes on. It’s easy to make yourself a baked chicken, couscous, and steamed broccoli for dinner when you have all day to play in the kitchen; but repeatedly dining for one gradually sees those habits fade away. Remember kids, ramen and Goldfish are NOT breakfast foods.
As I’m sure many of you would expect, daytime television is not built for the under 40 set. Sure you can get caught up on every episode ever of Dawson’s Creek or 90210, but after you’ve made it through their entire catalogue, you’re stuck with watching a lot of the middle-aged career of Molly Ringwald.
Despite the occasional free meal from your charitable foundation (see above), finances are genuinely tight. Random expenses like that 3-day camping trip to Atlantic City’s finest gentleman’s clubs? Sadly off the agenda…
Do you have a car? Does it have four tires and a running engine? Good! Do everything in your power to keep it that way, even if it means walking 7 miles to job interviews in your only suit. Believe me, auto repair is an expense you can’t afford…
Also, it’s great to have outside interests to deflect your attention, team sports are a good way to be social and see your friends without having to blow a lot of cash, but if you do play sports, don’t get hurt! You’ll never know if that sore knee is a torn ACL, because you don’t have Cobra anymore to make the hospital run.

Other random tips to stretch the almighty unemployment dollar:

Be careful about taking freelance work. The additional paycheck will allow your unemployment income to last longer, but sometimes two small paychecks don’t equal one mediocre one.
Chinese food makes a fantastic series of meals. One delivery order is usually good for 2 to 4 meals. As does pizza… always get the breadsticks/cheesesticks add-on.
Always pull the double feature. The best time to see a movie is mid-day on a weekday. Catch the 12:30 show (matinee pricing), and sneak into a second movie when the first one ends. Movie prices are so extortionate these days, they owe you the extra flick!

One Year, Seven Days, and Fifteen Hours Later...

2007-10-17T19:42:00.000Z

I'm officially back in the game. PRSlaveDC is a PRSlave once again. Well, sort of...

Monday I returned to full-time, totally salaried employment, although in a far different communications capacity than I have worked for in the past. It's a good change though, it should be much lower-pressure, more opportunity to work outside the box, and technically my association (no more clients!) represents the good guys, so I can fall asleep with a healthy conscience.

I'm not going to get into the specific job, as I've read how that's bitten many a blogger in the backside before, but I will say I'm representing a field I know fairly little about, and I'm excited by the prospect of being both the senior and junior staffer all at the same time.

I know I haven't posted all that much lately, and you guys may have to do without the random breakdowns of why classic chick flicks are anti-male for a while, since I'll have far less time to watch bad television. But hopefully this transition will lead to a bit sunnier, smilier PRSlaveDC, and future posts will be full of fuzzy bunnies and chocolate rainbows.

In conclusion, if any of you are going through an uncomfortable employment situation/transition, allow me to speak from personal experience. The best thing you can do, is rely on your friends to help distract you and remind you that you're probably quite capable and qualified for your desired position, it just may take the various Human Resources offices of the city a while to catch on that themselves.

It's never quite as bad as it seems, and there's always someone in your life who is willing to buy you lunch just to see a smile on your face once in a while. Try to remember to thank those people...

Amateur Entomology

2007-09-27T03:28:00.000Z

My roommate seems to be an expert on insects. We live in a group house that on bad days overly resembles a frat house, although with two girls residing here, I like to think its a few rungs nicer than that.

At any rate, ever since the basement flooded last August in the epic storms of '06, we've had on and off issues with bugs in the house. Mostly we've seen centipedes roaming the basement walls, despite Orkin's best efforts to eradicate them. Upon the first discovery of these centipedes, K jumped online to classify them, learn where they come from, how they breed, what they eat, and anything else she could dig up. Me, I just assumed they bred from the mold in the walls due to the flood, and if I keep stomping all the ones I see, eventually we'll beat them back.

So naturally I come home tonight to find K in the kitchen, as soon as I say hi, I get:

K: "We have fruit flies."
Me: "Huh?'
K: "Fruit flies, haven't you noticed them?"
Me: "No."
K: "They're in the kitchen, I built a trap. I looked them up online, they're definitely fruit flies, but I don't know why they're here, we don't leave fruit out."
Me: "Ummm, okay."

The trap for the record, seems to be a glass of balsamic vinagrette, covered in saran wrap, with a cone made of cardboard stuck through the roof. These alleged fruit flies seem to climb down the cone, but are too stupid to climb back out?

And how she was able to identify them online when none of them are larger than 3 millimeters with 100 percent certainty is beyond me. But then again, I nearly failed 9th grade biology.

Thank god I have these big tough girls to kill the insects for me...

Honesty is Such an Easy Word

2007-09-24T15:30:00.000Z

"Honesty is a selfish virtue." - Gertrude Stein

I've been thinking about this quote a lot the last few days. I'm not entirely sure what she meant by it...

Is it selfish to be honest to those around us, knowing that we have the satisfaction of being certain our genuine feelings and emotions are being conveyed, regardless of their impact? Or is the protection of those we care about more important than the purity of our morals? In fact, is the choice to protect them selfish, as we take away their option and ability to react and feel?

Or is it selfish to demand honesty from those around us, to expect them to uphold some code of respect and morality and represent themselves how they actually are and feel? Should their role as friends or family require them to be honest with us? And is our expectation of that honesty selfish, and an unfair burden?

I tend to internalize much of what is going on with me, when I do try and express myself genuinely, the people who get that information are few and far between. Recently, the attempt to open up to someone a bit more than our relationship had previously seen, backfired on me, to the possible destruction of our friendship. I've having trouble accepting that, and my attempts to repair the rift seem to be only opening it further.

Adult communication is hard...

"I'm Just a Girl, Standing in Front of a Boy..."

2007-09-12T14:21:00.000Z

So as I work (or don't work) from home, I have the privilege to sit and analyze the variety of movies that digital cable throws at me over and over again. Some of you may remember my thoughts on Say Anything, well yesterday's viewing brought me another film to deconstruct, Notting Hill.

I know, I know... I'm stepping on sacred chick flick ground here. But bear with me...

Much like Say Anything, I never really thought about the romance between international movie start Anna Scott (played by America's sweetheart Julia Roberts) and foppish bookshop owner William Thacker (Hugh Grant, whose presence is required in at least 46% of all certifiable chick flicks). But yesterday brought me a new perspective, that I'm sure will alienate most, if not all my female readership...

William should never have taken her back.

Let's look at the evidence, and try to keep our perspective outside the realm of the silver screen.

Encounter/Heartbreak 1: William and Anna meet in his bookstore, flirt lightly. He ends up coming to her press junket as a representative from Horse and Hound magazine, where after more flirting, she agrees to accompany him to his sister's birthday dinner. A lovely, if awkward evening is had by all, they walk home, only for her to invite him up to the hotel suite. He shows up, five minutes later, to discover that her on-again/off-again boyfriend has shown up. William is mistaken for a busboy, embarrassed, and sent on his way with a stack of dirty dishes and a bag full of trash.

Analysis: Not that big a deal, it was somewhat a case of misunderstanding, she was looking for a distraction from an unclear relationship, not really anything more than a one-night stand that never happened.

Encounter/Heartbreak 2: The couple reconnects, she's just fought with the boyfriend. She needs an escape from the glare of the Hollywood world. She crashes on his couch, he provides a shoulder to lean on. As in all romantic comedies, they end up in bed together. He leaves bed to get the newspaper the next morning, only to discover the entire London entertainment press camped out on his doorstep. Instead of asking rationally what could have led them there, she assumes he or his roommate notified the press for publicity and screams and storms out.

Analysis: While it would be very easy to paint this as the "irrational female striking again," I won't go there. I will say though that she's completely unable to let herself trust him, and open herself up to the possibility that sometimes bad things just happen, like paparazzi stalking every move you make, and that it has nothing to do with the nice guy who is taking care of you. Instead, she chooses to crush what was a dream of a night to this poor guy, dazzled by the superstar who happens to notice him. Much stronger/long-lasting impact than Encounter 1.

Encounter/Heartbreak 3: Turns out an off-handed comment from William about how great she'd be in a Henry James story, leads to her taking a role. However, the guilt from the way she left him last time prevents her from coming to see him. When he learns of the movie, he goes to see the filming. While wearing the audio headsets, he overhears her telling a costar, "He's just someone from the past. Nobody really. I don't know why he's here."

To his credit, William gets up and leaves.

Analysis: The argument here would be, oh she's just lying to herself. But the point is irrelevant. With no prompting, and with no reason to lie, she completely belittled his character because it was easy and safe. Obviously, she doesn't know that he's been listening, but it doesn't matter. If she'd tell one person that, she'd tell others. She's embarrassed by him. Once again, his hopes have been raised, only to be crushed like a bug. 3 strikes and you're out?

OF COURSE NOT... it wouldn't be a romantic comedy if it ended this way. So we get her showing up at his door, hat in hand (or original Chagall painting as the case may be). Yadda yadda yadda, passionate plea for forgiveness which contains the title quote. And get this, William has a backbone! He turns her down! He knows he's been hurt too many times, and he refuses to set himself up for it again...

For about an hour. He tells the story to his friends, he decides he's in love. Blah blah blah, press conference of love. Happy ending.

Okay, so now that we've established the train of events, here's my problem:

In what universe would we let our friends be beaten down by a potential girlfriend so many times, have their hopes smashed over and over, and tell them that its a good idea to continue to pursue this and try again? Each time he takes her back, he gets a bit more invested, and then gets deeper and deeper hurt by her actions.

I know that people say you can't deny love, and perhaps its true, but why do we idolize a movie like this that shows such an unhealthy one-sided relationship dynamic, and think its a romantic story. It is practically a movie about emotional abuse, not love and happiness.

So... is William a fool? Or will he end up with half her assets in the divorce, citing emotional vacancy?

These are my Neighbors?

2007-09-06T19:39:00.000Z

Things you don't expect to see at 3:30pm when you come home from a job interview:

Two guys in nothing but speedos and socks, throwing a football on your street.

Maybe that's how they pregame for tonights Saints-Colts kickoff?

End of the Road

2007-08-31T16:59:00.000Z

TLTL is leaving DC. She moves back to the city she left five years ago, because she was tired of a long-distance relationship., and wanted to see more of me. One more week and she's gone...

She and I don't hang out very often anymore, mainly because it is always going to be a bit awkward, and even if you're friends, one person treats each sentence or gesture a little more seriously than the other. We've found a fairly happy medium I thought, we can talk about who we're each dating, or why things go badly, and for the most part I think we take joy in each other's successes.

But I also know that I will always be the one who takes each sentence or gesture more seriously. It's been that way since it ended. I'm the one who sometimes can't see her for weeks or months at a time because she can still trigger emotions I thought I had laid to rest.

Nonetheless, I was determined I wanted to see her. One more dinner with friends joking, and care for our families, and reliving some of the happier moments we shared together. But she doesn't have time...

I'm invited to her farewell "party" at the local bar her last evening in town. But its not really a consolation. When I complained to her that I wouldn't get any of her time in her last week here, she asked what I would say there, that I couldn't say in the group farewell. There's no real answer to that question. It's not about what I want or need to say, its more just about sharing a final moment with someone who meant so much in the formation of your adult life, and not having the opportunity. She doesn't feel like we'll be missing anything. I guess I do...

Silence is Golden

2007-08-30T01:04:00.000Z

People often tell me I'm too quiet. I've always been more of a listener than a talker, probably part of the whole only child syndrome. I'm sure my mother tried to beat into me the premise of "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I'm pretty sure I expanded that in my mind to just "don't say anything."

As a result, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people talk just to fill silence in the room. Just because there is a gap in conversation, doesn't make it an awkward silence. If people are sitting on the couch watching TV, that's not awkward silence. It's only awkward when you try and fill it by reading your alumni newsletter, and making comments about people I don't know like:

"she was a bitch..."
"oh, he was commencement speaker..."
"oh they did win it last year..."
"good, he needs to leave... I don't like him..."

These all came from one of my roommates in the last 15 minutes, so yes I'm annoyed. We did not go to the same college. I'm not looking over her shoulder to see who these people are. Clearly, by not asking for more elaboration, I'm just hoping you'll stop talking...

Similarly, one of the other roommates has two houseguests for a week, while they wait to move into their new apartment. One of them also feels like he has to engage us in conversation just to be polite.

"I don't like sports except for baseball... I don't know how you watch tennis."
"I try to pay attention to college football, but I don't care about anything but the Braves."

These would be perfectly relevant statements, except for one thing. I DIDN'T ASK about any of that stuff. I don't mind you staying in my house, and sleeping on my couch for a week, but there's a reason why I'm hanging out in the other living room from you. I'm keeping my space. I don't walk in to your room and tell you that your shirt looks stupid, don't come in to mine and tell me I shouldn't be watching Roger Federer.

Maybe I should start responding... something like...

"Maybe the dingo ate your baby!"

Standing Eight Count

2007-08-21T19:57:00.000Z

In boxing, when one boxer is unable to defend themself, but has yet to be knocked to the canvas, the referee will issue a standing eight count to give him/her the opportunity to recover momentarily. However, rarely does the fighter manage to recover enough to take the fight back to their opponent. In fact, usually the standing eight count is just a precursor to the knockout.

(Stick and move, Mac!)

I think I'm on my first or second standing eight these days...

It isn't worth getting into too many details, but I'm getting really tired of trying to defend myself from all angles and not being able to succeed. Something has got to turn around soon, because a few more days of this, and I really will be on my back, getting counted out.

100 Things...

2007-08-07T21:28:00.000Z

1. I could read the newspaper by age 4.
2. When I was young, I had to be taken out of the movie theatre during Fantasia, because The Sorcerer’s Apprentice was too scary for me.
3. I got in trouble in kindergarten for writing “I hate Santa Claus” in my diary. But then again, I’m a Jew.
4. I used to spend my summers on Long Island at sailing camp.
5. When I was young, I ran away crying when Mickey Mouse tried to hug me.
6. I never played a day of Little League, yet now, I’m in three softball leagues.
7. I played soccer from age 5 to 26.
8. I led my soccer league in scoring when I was 11.
9. Now I haven’t scored a goal since I was 20.
10. I took the SAT’s in 7th grade, and scored above the national average for graduating seniors.
11. When I was 13-16, I went to a camp that shared a cafeteria with the Washington Redskins training camp in Carlisle, PA. I had my first kiss at that camp.
12. We also shared the cafeteria with a camp for ballerinas… The Redskins were more fun to talk to and hang out with.
13. At that same camp I dumped a girl for the first time. I ran up to my room and played “I Was Only Kidding” by Weird Al immediately afterwards. I thought I was clever.
14. The first cassette tape I ever bought with my own money was “Thriller” by Michael Jackson.
15. I haven’t been ice skating since a friend’s birthday party when I was seven, because I fell down and hurt my knee.
16. I had my bar mitzvah reception on a paddlewheel boat in Alexandria.
17. The video of that reception is a total embarrassment, yet I often find myself volunteering to show it to the girls I’m dating.
18. In high school, my friends and I made a movie of the novel “A Separate Peace.”
19. I have worn contact lenses since I was fourteen.
20. That was the same year my mom moved out of the house. It was a Sunday. She told me after I got back from Hebrew School.
21. My dad and I became very close with the local Chinese delivery man that year.
22. Now we both love to cook. My specialties include meat, fish, and linguini in a white clam sauce from scratch.
23. I went to three proms, in three states my senior year of high school.
24. But I did not go to my own high school’s prom.
25. I generally get the most compliments on my eyes.
26. But I think my best feature is my feet.
27. I used to drive 45 minutes to Baltimore when I was high school, to buy alcohol illegally from the liquor store that would let me walk out the back door.
28. I once drank 18 shots of Absolut Vodka in less than 90 minutes to prove I could out drink my best friend.
29. I had a hangover for 72 hrs straight after that.
30. I don’t drink hard liquor anymore, just beer, wine, and the occasional Bloody Mary.
31. I can only snap my fingers with my left hand, when I do it with my right hand, it makes no sound.
32. I used to have my ear pierced, both the cartilage and the lobe. But just the left ear.
33. I once performed a lip synch routine on stage to Adam Sandler’s “Piece of Shit Car”.
34. During that performance, I was dressed in drag as a member of the girl group who sings backup. Afterwards, a girl came up to me and said, “I wish I had a body like yours.”
35. In college, I hosted a radio show named after the band on The Muppet Show.
36. I do a more-than-passable impression of Kermit the Frog.
37. I was the Wally the Green Monster for two Red Sox games.
38. My father and I once drove through 10 states in 10 hours (if you count DC as a state.)
39. I swam with dolphins off the coast of Maine.
40. I spent 6 hours in Rome and 7 hours in Barcelona.
41. I would love to spend at least a week in both cities.
42. I have climbed Machu Picchu. (It’s really not that tough a climb… Old people do it.)
43. I went to the top of the Eiffel Tower, including taking the stairs on the first section…
44. Despite that fact that I have a SEVERE fear of heights.
45. I do not watch scary movies, but I love bad science fiction movies about mutated animals gone wrong. (i.e. Crocodile 2: Death Roll or Komodo vs. Cobra)
46. I find girls in baseball caps with their ponytails pulled through to be particularly hot.
47. So is any girl who can explain the offside trap in soccer, the four downs concept in football, or name more than two members of the Washington Capitals.
48. However, Capri pants are a no-no. They should never be worn. NEVER. They do nothing to enhance girls’ legs.
49. I also find the new trend of high-waisted or no-waisted dresses to be overdone and completely misused in women’s fashion.
50. Despite the last two items, I am completely straight.
51. I have only kissed a boy once in my life, and it was part of a dare/contest. We won.
52. If I had unlimited funds at my disposal, I would seriously consider moving to Vegas to become a professional poker and blackjack player.
53. I would need the unlimited funds because I’m only mediocre at poker.
54. When I was in middle school I told everyone I met that I was going to be a paleontologist.
55. By the time I got to college, I didn’t even want to take a single science class.
56. I order my steak as rare as I can get it.
57. I get turned on by the smell of vanilla, British accents, sunsets over the water, Cote d’Rhone wine, and having fingernails massage my head.
58. I am told I have sex with my eyes open. (I don’t notice.)
59. I do think I kiss with my eyes closed though.
60. My dream is to retire and sail around the Caribbean or the Mediterranean and just eat as much indigenous food as possible.
61. I have eaten rattlesnake, alligator, sea urchin, and guinea pig.
62. I am terrified of most insects, yet living with two girls, I’m constantly called upon to kill them.
63. I hate passive-aggressive people and have trouble been patient with those people who have a significant stutter or speech impediment.
64. That said, I can not properly pronounce the letter “L” in words.
65. I own my own bowling ball and shoes.
66. I am very competitive, but only with myself.
67. Roasted Garlic Triscuits are like crack to me.
68. I have never tried crack, but have tried most other major drugs at least once in my life.
69. I’ve done it.
70. I have read all the Harry Potter books.
71. And seen all of the James Bond movies.
72. My only cars to date have been Volkswagens.
73. Despite what you may have heard from Kevin Smith, the back seat is not that uncomfortable a place…
74. I only wear cologne on very limited occasions. When I do, it is Drakkar Noir.
75. I know all the words to the $1,000,000 McDonald’s menu song that once came on a record in the newspaper.
76. I also know all the words to "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.
77. As well as all the words to Rent, Chicago, Les Miserables, and several other Broadway shows.
78. I think I tore my ACL earlier this spring, but haven't had a doctor check it out, because it will keep me from playing my drinking sports.
79. I haven't been to the dentist in about six years.
80. I have chronic insomnia.
81. I am currently accepting applications for potential partners for The Amazing Race.
82. I have seen the following bands more than 10 times each: Pat Mcgee Band, Barenaked Ladies, Dave Matthews Band, Guster.
83. Keira Knightley will one day be the mother of my children, she just doesn't know it yet.
84. I am extremely ticklish on my back.
85. I own my own tuxedo. (Feel free to rent me out for parties.)
86. I had a ponytail for 2 years back in high school. My mother cut it off in one snip, and may still have it saved somewhere.
87. I don't do well at meeting large groups though. I'm much more comfortable in one-on-one or slow introductions.
88. I took the Landmark Forum a couple of years ago because I thought it would help me get back together with my ex-girlfriend.
89. I now tell people its far too cultish for me to recommend their taking.
90. I have been fired/let go from two jobs in life thus far.
91. While I continue to try to work to stay in the communications industry, I have a feeling I'll end up becoming a teacher sooner or later.
92. I have had a crush on at least one of my adult novice rowers every year I've taught the program. None of those crushes have been acted on.
93. I once survived a night of drinking with a Welsh rugby team, and awoke the next day as the only one without a hangover. (Still not sure how that happened.)
94. I prefer to listen than to talk. This is why I post so infrequently.
95. I'm a total gossip queen. I love a good scandal.
96. My mother develops sex and drug education curriculum for students. Just imagine how that warps your view of "deviant" acts growing up.
97. I still dream of taking up a really obscure sport like team handball or men's field hockey because I think it could get me to the Olympics.
98. I am fiercely loyal to my friends, and take it personally when I feel they have not be nearly as loyal to me.
99. Tonight's dinner will be for Restaurant Week at Filomena's. Past Restaurant Weeks have seen me eat at Cafe Atlantico, DC Coast, Butterfield 9, Vidalia, Ten Penh, and Galileo.
100. While writing this list, I watched The Mummy, and two episodes of Seinfeld, and eaten one black and white cookie.

Left Behind

2007-08-05T03:29:00.001Z

I went to a wedding today... my best friend since seventh grade. I've watched him from the shy, awkward boy who was afraid of girls, to the confident, assertive man who went after what he wanted even when some of us told him it was a bad idea. Shows what we know, he married her...

Initially, there was a wedding party. I was a groomsman, but not the best man. Eventually, as plans changed, there was no more wedding party. Not even one attendant on each side. I didn't really realize that I had been replaced in his mind though, until I discovered that there were two other guys who had been asked to give toasts, and I was not. Similarly, during the reception itself, watching him work the room, it was clear that I was just another guest. I got no bonus time, no special photos to reflect the 16 years we've known each other.

I don't want to resent him for that, I want to be okay with it, and say "hey, relationships change, priorities change, I get that." But instead, I found myself walking away from the reception for a few minutes, needing to get my emotions under control... I hate being jealous, I hate feeling left behind.

So what now? What do you do, when you realize that the person who is most likely to be the best man at your own wedding (if and when it ever happens), acts as though you're just another friend of the family at his own nuptials? Do you let it go, and say, so be it? Do you try to replace him with someone who might appreciate your friendship more?

Maybe its all cyclical, and what went away, comes back in the end... that would be nice if it were true.

Holding Myself Back

2007-07-30T13:42:00.000Z

I try not to hold grudges in my life. I'm generally of the mindset that life is too short to stay really mad at people. I don't get that trait from my mother though. We attended a wedding this weekend, where the bride's uncle refused to come because he felt as though he had been slighted by the family a few years back. This man (my uncle as well) is frequently belittled by the rest of the family for his absences and selfishness. At a previous cousin's wedding in April, my uncle showed up, only to conspicuously leave before the reception started.

At any rate, much of this weekend's conversation centered around him, including my mother's statement that after my grandmother passes away, we'll "never have a reason to speak to him again."

This is her OLDER BROTHER, the only completely pure-blood relative she has in the family, due to remarriages and step-families. And she has officially decided that he will be fully cut out of her life when her mother passes away. I can't imagine reaching that decision about someone.

However...

I'm supposed to play in my former office's softball game tonight. It's our league semifinal, I've played in every game so far this season, despite the fact I no longer work there. I found out today that my former manager will be in attendance tonight, something about showing unity for the office, since she's #2 in charge. I haven't seen or talked to her since my dismissal. As such, I'm likely to skip the game.

I just don't want to deal with her. This is a woman with whom I had a social relationship (not like that!) for over 10 years before I worked with her. When I was released, she made no effort to explain it to me, or apologize for how it came to happen. I just don't want to sit there and sulk all night, or try to be avoiding her (difficult when there are only 18 people there). I think it is for the best.

Isn't it?

Is This Where I Reach "Old Maid" Status?

2007-07-26T14:53:00.000Z

Yesterday, my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. As I pulled it out, I saw an area code and number I didn't recognize. Sprint- helpful as they are, informed me the number was from Missouri. I'm one of those people who screens their calls, so I let it roll to voicemail.

"Hey PRSlaveDC,

This is Uncle S in Kansas City, I want you to write this phone number down. 816-XXX-XXXX. Her name is Jane Doe, and she just moved to DC. She's from Kansas City, and her dad is good friends with me. She's a great girl. I think she went to college in Amherst or Vermont or somewhere up there, I don't remember.

I don't know if you're seeing anyone, but I thought you two should hang out. She's really a great girl. Anyway, again, hope you're doing well, and give her a call... unless you're already with someone, but just in case, call her. Talk to you soon."

Uncle S is someone I see once a year, tops... we talk on the phone, approximately half that often. I didn't even know he had my phone number.

Now the key questions:

1) Did this girl get a similar message from her father? (I doubt it.)
2) Does she even know that she's being pimped out from across the Mississippi River? (I really doubt it.)
3) In the unlikely event that she did get a similar message, what could possibly have been said to make me sound worthy of calling? (I don't even want to imagine.)

So for the record, I will not be calling this young lady, although I'm sure she's charming and lovely, and went to a New England college (maybe). But, am I reaching the age where I should start expecting my relatives and friends to offer to set me up with complete strangers for no apparent reason other than "You're both single?

Can I go back to being 22 again?

The Jock, the Princess, the Criminal, the Basket Case, and the Brain...

2007-07-18T23:04:00.000Z

I was recently filling out a job application that asked the following question:

What are the dominating youth cultures present in America today that could be used to describe groups of high school students?

I struggled with the question for a while before throwing it to a couple friends, who helped me decide that they were looking for a list of stereotypical groups to typecast teenagers in. As such my answer consisted of:

Band Members
Gamers
Hip Hop Nation
Indie Rockers
Jocks
Nerds
Punks/Skaters

I realize this list isn't close to comprehensive, after all, where would you put the popular girls from "Mean Girls"? Or how many kids fall into the category of more than one of those groups? And I'm sure there's about 15 other possible categories I could have created, but I really struggled to define the lines between them.

If this question were thrown at you, what groups would you have added? Where would you have classified your high school self?

I'm quite confident that I was a definite "nerd" in HS. I went to college during my summers to take academic classes, I never hung out with the ultra-cool clique, I quit the band after freshman year, and while I played a few sports, I wasn't the guy rocking the sweet letterman's jacket.

Anyway, I guess I could always just have stolen John Hughes' response... maybe if it gets asked in an interview.

Is "Badassery" a Word?

2007-07-03T19:25:00.000Z

Just came back from a matinee show of Transformers. Not going to spoil it for anyone, but I will say this...

That was fun... Michael Bay knows how to blow sh*t up!

First movie to make me feel like a giddy 12 year old in a long time!

I Don't Fit in With Their Group

2007-06-22T13:38:00.000Z

Woke up this morning, threw on pajamas, fired up the laptop... Turned on the tv to Encore to see what movie was on.

Within 2 minutes, 4 large rugby players came walking through the door burping and scratching their crotches. Apparently P has a game in Florida tomorrow, so they're getting ready to road trip.

As they run errands around me, one asks, "Hey, are you watching Rent?"

I don't think I'm being invited on this road trip...

I Think I Lost Some Guy Points This Week

2007-06-20T15:30:00.001Z

So I don't know what opinion most of you have formed of me by now. Maybe you think I'm a uber-jock who oozes testosterone and belches and farts my way through DC. Maybe you're convinced I'm a deeply sensitive poet who wears his heart on his sleeve and composes Baroque opera in my free time. Hopefully I fall somewhere in the middle...

I've never been Mr. Fix-it. I'm decent at basic domestic issues, i.e. kill the bug, hang the picture, rewire the TV. I'm great in the kitchen... but the one "guy" area where I fail miserably?

Automotive Repair and Maintenance...

Monday night in Rock Creek Park after my 7th softball game of the last week (see? uber-jock!), I returned to my car to find that I couldn't get it started. No problem-o! I have jumper cables! Spent the next 20 minutes trying to get a jump start from a friend. Still nothing, my car wouldn't even turn over, let alone start. Okay, I'm not completely obtuse, I think that means my starter is screwed up...

So I call dad, he has AAA, I don't. I get added to his account, they agree to send someone to the darkness of Rock Creek to come get me. So I sit in the dark for almost 2 hours, periodically trying to rejump my car to no avail thanks to the one friend who stayed with me.

AAA shows up, I explain my predicament. "Okay, I need you to roll your car out, and turn the wheel so we can straighten it to put it on the tow truck." No problem, I'll just turn on the electric, roll down my window... Key goes in ignition, car goes in neutral... Starts right up!

Yeah, somehow I kept trying to start my car in the drive gear for over 2 hours... I'm an idiot.

Opening the Door a Crack

2007-06-13T15:15:00.000Z

So today sees a major change to this blog, although you won't find it anywhere on the page.

For the first time, I knowingly gave the address to my blog to someone who knew me before I started writing it. So to you, I say welcome, hopefully the last few months of posts will give you a respite from your average day, and give you some new things to think about...

But why did it take me a year and a half to take this step? To be honest, I'm not really sure. I know initially these posts were far more internal, and I wanted to protect myself in case I chose to write about the people in my life. That being said, I doubt I ever really wrote anything that would cause drama and strife among the people around me.

I was talking with someone recently about why I blog, and why people blog in general. Some people do it to get attention, some do it as therapy in their lives, some do it as a writing exercise and don't care if anyone reads, and there are countless other reasons as well... When I started, this blog was an outlet for me, a place to vent and complain about my life in a shell away from critics. I don't know that I took full advantage of that opportunity, but I did ensure that I gave myself the option.

But yet there is such protection in that anonymity. It's so safe to write whatever I like, and be read by you total strangers out in the mysterious blogosphere. Let's face it, if you're going to be judging me, I'll probably never know about it. And if you do dislike what you read, you'll just stop visiting the page. And for those of you who do continue to visit, I've valued your thoughts and comments, so keep them coming!

So I took a step today. It's not a big step, but it is a significant step. We'll see if I go further down that path in the future. I'll leave you with a poem that was passed on to me by the talented Speakeasy:

I hid the real me when I met you
And now that you’re gone
I wish I could remember
In which box I put myself

Sometimes I just want to chew my way out
Out of all the boxes in which I put myself
Yeah…I’ll just start chewing…
And then I’ll be free or full…

Full of box parts.

I Gave Her My Heart, and She Gave Me a Pen...

2007-05-29T14:40:00.001Z

This post isn't about me, I'm not suffering through some horrible breakup where I put myself on the line, and was cruelly rejected. No, this post is purely and simply about the movie with the title quote, and how I'm realizing how overrated it is.

Yes, I'm referring to Say Anything, the movie that gave millions of dorky guys hope that we could score the hot valedictorian (of which there aren't enough of in real life), and give millions more women hope that someday, a guy will be willing to stand outside in the rain, blaring Peter Gabriel from a boombox to declare his devotion.

Yes the movie is written and directed by Cameron Crowe, who is extremely talented, and yes its an iconic '80s classic, but there are two key scenes that drive me crazy, and I didn't realize it until today.

The first is the love scene: The first time Lloyd and Diane get nekkid, they do it in the back of Lloyd's car at the beach, with In Your Eyes on the radio.

Diane Court: Are you shaking?

Lloyd Dobler: No.

Diane Court: You're shaking.

Lloyd Dobler: I don't think so.

Diane Court: You're cold.

Lloyd Dobler: I don't think I am.

Diane Court: Then why are you shaking?

Lloyd Dobler: I don't know. I think I'm happy.

Okay, so yes its romantic, yes its sweet. But it is so awkwardly shot and spoken that there is no passion between them, no likelihood that she's really given into herself for him. Obviously the dialogue doesn't show this, but let's face it, you've all seen the movie, you know the scene. Where's the love people?

Scene 2: Just after this, Diane goes home to confront her father, and ends up telling him about having sex with Lloyd.

Diane Court: ...then I bagged him anyway... but it always feels good to tell you the truth, b/c if I can't tell you, then it didn't really happen.

I'm sorry, WHAT??? Ladies, you gotta help me out here. I know some of you must be very close to your fathers, but have you ever rushed home from sex to let your father know that you did it, that you're in love, and that if you couldn't tell him about it, it just isn't real? Is that believable in the slightest?

Anyway, so yes, then the movie picks back up again, the funny comes back, aside from her father's imprisonment, they eventually get back together, Gabriel sings his stuff, they fly to England, all is well in the world.

It's strange, I was sure this was one of my top 25 movies of all-time, when people ask for quintessential '80s flicks, this is one of the first ones on my list. But watching it this morning, I'm bored. Diane is neurotic, her dad is a pill, and Lloyd (while being sweet, and the dream of every woman aged 22-35) is actually kind of a whiny layabout who most ladies probably wouldn't put up with his lack of direction if they really had it in their significant other.

So why do we idolize this movie so much? Alright, fire away, call me a heretic, tell me I'm a loveless bastard... let me know how wrong I am...

Spin Cycle

2007-05-23T03:29:00.000Z

I haven't posted much lately, nor I have I felt much like posting. I don't really know that there's been anything particularly blogworthy. My brain has been sort of tumbling around without really focusing on any one thing for very long, and similarly, my emotions have sort of run the full range as well.

Went to Bethany/Dewey this past weekend to try and relax/cut loose. Aside from our SUV being hit by a deer (yes, the deer created the impact, not us), and the joy of watching the sh*tshow that is the Starboard on a Saturday night, there's not really too much to report. I can't quite put away as much alcohol as I used to, and I have a little less appreciation for hooched out girls in tops two sizes too small. Note: If you are a hot girl, trust me, we'll notice. Don't wear something that squeezes you so much you're spilling over your low-rise waistband.

Week is already dragging as well. The work situation is gradually wearing on me, it looks like I was right about last week's interview not going well as well as I had hoped, and I'm getting tired of hearing about my friends getting great new high-paying jobs. My favorite roommate has moved out after 3 years together, and apparently 2/3 of the cookwear belonged to him because our kitchen is seriously empty...

On the other hand, I'm going on a fun shopping excursion tomorrow that might net some sharp new threads; I managed to survive my first softball game since the knee injury without making anything worse (metal braces are amazing), and I may have a cookout or two to go to this holiday weekend.

Maybe I can keep the colors from running too badly...

Missed Opportunities

2007-05-15T20:13:00.000Z

I just came back from a job interview. It's a job I'm perfectly qualified for, with just the right mix of writing and other responsibilities. Amazingly enough, the person who interviewed me happens to know me in a non-work capacity, and can ask a variety of people for character references (including her husband).

And yet, I think I blew it...

I can't point to any one moment in particular, we talked for nearly an hour about a variety of things, but the minute I got back to my car, I smacked the steering wheel and said, "Damn!"

I never got into a good rhythm, I don't think I sold good examples of my work, and I didn't tell nearly enough stories tooting my own horn.

People say you're always hardest on yourself, and maybe its true. Maybe I am overreacting, but I don't generally leave a situation feeling like that, which is what scares me.

I guess I can't do anything at this point but send my thank you letter, cross my fingers, and hope for the best.

I hate first impressions...

Would You Be Wanting to Live With a Pirate, Matey?

2007-05-11T03:39:00.000Z

So we're holding an open house this weekend to replace my longest-term roommate within the house, and for some reason tonight the thought popped into my head about how it would be a really good idea to play a practical joke on one (or all) the people coming to check out the house.

What if I was to dress up in full Halloween attire (think Captain Jack Sparrow - tricorn hat, boots, saber, etc...) and talk in nothing but pirate sayings the whole time the potential roommate was visiting, and my current roommate acted like she didn't notice/there was nothing strange about it, and just kept interviewing and showing the room?

I think this would make a great hidden video sketch...

Any other thoughts on ways we could prank possible new roommates?

Monday Morning Dawson's Creek Observation

2007-05-07T13:28:00.000Z

Only Joey Potter would wear a cardigan sweater while partying at MTV Spring "Fling", (guess they couldn't really steal the copyright?)... How lame is she? She's the constant grandma.

Although this episode does offer a preview of One Tree Hill, with both Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton making guest appearances.

Also, does anyone remember ever being annoyed by this show, that after these heartwrenching tragic break-ups, literally the next week, the characters had moved on to their new crush/romance/hook-ups? I don't remember noticing it before... but they never take a break! It's beyond rebounding, its like if they're not dipping their genitals in someone for longer than a week, they may fall off!

In weekend news, I missed most of the Cinco de Mayo/Gold Cup type festivities after twisting my knee playing softball Saturday morning. Verdict is still out on whether or not I tore anything, since I've yet to visit a doctor. Swelling has gone down, and I can put most of my weight on it, but its still sore, especially on the sides. Fingers crossed.

Karaoke Confessions

2007-04-26T16:34:00.000Z

I have never been part of a choir, chorus, glee club, or a cappella group. I have never taken anything resembling formal voice training. The closest I came was when my high school speech class had us do a lip synch contest, where I performed The Joker by Steve Miller.

I may very well be tone deaf.

Yet, for some obscure reason, I've done more than my fair share of karaoke...

Maybe its the alcohol that's usually involved, maybe its a desire to impress cute girls, maybe I secretly like trying to embarass myself, I don't really know.

My karaoke debut was senior year of college, at a friend's 21st birthday at a bar on campus. Somehow I let it slip that I do a "more than passable" impression of Kermit the Frog, so I was requested to sing Rainbow Connection as a birthday present. I don't think the rest of the bar was so amused...

Later that year, I made the first of several appearances at the same bar, where I usually did some "old school" type rap song, most often Baby Got Back. It usually helped that a few of my female friends would get up onstage with to rock the booty. That seemed to keep the audience happy...

After returning to DC, I discovered a bar through coworkers called Recessions. On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights, they offer kareoke if you're brave enough to handle the underground ambiance and diverse clientele. Naturally a work happy hour turned late, and before I knew it I was leading a couple other guys in a mediocre rendition of Whip It by Devo. I'm told that my performance also featured a bit of the "Carlton Dance." I can neither confirm nor deny this...

Other highlights of my karaoke career have included Ice Ice Baby, Here I Go Again by Whitesnake, Sweet Child of Mine, and Livin on a Prayer. So if I show up on Friday, I don't expect to assault your eardrums with my voice...

But then again, I never show up expecting to sing...

Birthdays are for Eating, Part 2

2007-04-23T17:16:00.000Z

So the birthday week continued on Friday, with a trip to my all-time favorite restaurant, Morimoto in downtown Philadelphia. It's actually the 5th year in a row I've gone there for the big day, so yes I realize this makes me spoiled, but also hopefully qualifies me as a foodie. It is the signature restaurant of chef Masaharu Morimoto of Iron Chef fame.

While there, I always make a point to get the "omakase," or chef's tasting menu. Eight courses, I'll try to do them justice here...

1st course: Yellowtail Tartare, with caviar and fresh wasabi

No matter how many times I go back to Morimoto, it never ceases to amaze me how fresh the fish tastes. The tartare is so soft it practically melts in your mouth, a point which was further hammered home by my roommate's kobe beef carpaccio appetizer that had us salivating.

2nd course: Steamed Japanese Bass w/ garlic and chives and a drizzled miso/soy sauce

Again, perfectly steamed fish, that flakes off onto your fork. The garlic softened the sauce, and gave just a little kick to the dish.

3rd course: Seared Japanese Kingfish Salad, with micro greens and a soy vinagrette

It doesn't matter who I bring with me to Morimoto, it is a virtual certainty that one of their favorite things about the meal is their house salad dressing. The soy vinagrette is light, yet it packs so much flavor and highlights things that traditionally don't taste like much of anything (ex. microgreens).

4th course: Salted Plum Sorbet

The palate cleanser... this one is hard to describe, the sorbet was so salty, it was a bit of a shock to the tongue, yet by the time you managed to swallow it, the flavor of the plum came through. Neither pleasant, or unpleasant, definitely just a new experience.

5th course: Soba Carbonara- Japanese soba noodles, with bacon, diver scallops, and edamame

My roommate's girlfriend had planned on ordering this dish, but didn't, so it worked out when it came to me. I don't often order Carbonara as a pasta, but this version was lighter on the cream, and the addition of the scallops was inspired. Like every other seafood on the menu, the scallops were butter-soft.

6th course: Chilean Sea Bass w/ black bean paste, shaved ginger, and hot oil

The "entree"... I'm not usually big on the black beans and the fish was slathered in the paste, so I admit I scraped most of it off. That being said, it was just another example of how Morimoto's chefs should give us all a lesson on the proper ways to cook fish. They could host their own half-hour show, and I'd Tivo it every time.

7th course: Chef's choice, Sushi Platter - Ahi Tuna, Jackfish, Snapper, White Jack, Giant Mussel

Well c'mon now... who doesn't love sushi? If I hadn't already had six courses by this time, I probably would have asked for seconds and thirds.

8th course: Japanese Sakura Cake - chocolate cake w/ cherry blossom jam

Morimoto's version of the famous Sachertorte from Vienna, replaces apricot jam with cherry blossom jam in the middle layer. Yes, it came with the candle, and yes, I ate the whole thing... it was divine.

So that's the rundown. Hopefully I did it justice. Obviously it doesn't include such delicacies as the Ishi Yaki Kobe Bop, Kobe beef prepared tableside in a hot stone bowl with rice and japanese vegetables (amazing), or the bamboo carafe of sake that my roommate and his girlfriend drank down, but I think I've done enough here to successfully recommend this restaurant to you all.

Go... eat... rejoice.

Birthdays are for Eating...

2007-04-20T12:15:00.000Z

So perhaps the best thing about having a birthday is that people come out of the woodwork to treat you to great meals at restaurants you wouldn't normally get to eat at. So in the spirit of public service, (as well as to brag about how great my friends and family are), I thought I'd write a quick recap of the DC dining hotspots I've been to this week.

Tuesday: Citronelle

"Go big or go home" is a motto to live by, so when my father suggested we go to the restaurant traditionally ranked #1 in Washingtonian Magazine's Very Best 100, how could I say no?

Chef Michel Richard's restaurant is surprisingly large inside, with a variety of rooms spread across the lower levels of the Latham hotel in Georgetown. The main dining room overlooks the open kitchen where if you're facing the right direction, you can watch the chefs at work. (I actually wasn't facing them, so I can't really tell you what it looked like.)

But on to the food... My appetizer was a "mosaic" of surf and turf- basically sushi grade tuna, salmon, yellowtail, and scallops sliced round with a carpaccio of beef all drizzled with a pepper pesto sauce. I'm not sure I can really properly describe it visually but picture large red and yellow polka dots across your plate. As for taste, it was fresh, clean, and very light. Excellent dish!

I went old school for the main course... Chateaubriand, topped with chanterelles in a syrah sauce, with porcini flavored diced yukon gold potatoes on the side. Okay, maybe that's new old school. Anyway, the beef was perfectly rare, the sauce was just the right compliment to go with the bottle of Shiraz we had been drinking anyway.

Dessert time! Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a chocoholic. So when there's something on the menu called "Chocolate Three Ways" it's pretty much a no-brainer. Way #1 was a chocolate hazelnut tart that because of my nut allergy, I couldn't eat. My father and stepmother said it was great though. Way #2 was a chocolate pannacotta, basically chocolate mousse under a crust of dark chocolate crunchy balls- very rich, but sublime. And Way #3 was essentially the greatest tasting chocolate ice cream I've ever had in my life... simple, rich, sweet, and creamy.

Other highlights from around the table included the lamb and halibut entrees as well as the chocolate flakes in minted milk dessert. Hard to top that, but fortunately my friends were more than willing to try, which leads to...

Wednesday: Montmartre

In all honesty, I had never heard of this small French bistro near Eastern Market when my old coworkers asked me to meet them there. The menu is somewhat limited in scope, but when in a French Bistro, you must stick with tradition, so therefore...

Appetizer- Steamed mussels with herbs, shallots, white wine and pastis broth. The real test of any French bistro is do you go back to dip your bread in the broth after you've finished the mussels. Survey says?? Two pieces dipped post appetizer....

Entree- Again we go with the standard. Hanger steak with caramelized shallots, sauteed fingerling potatoes and red wine sauce. Not quite "Steak frites", but as close as we'll find at Montmartre. Verdict- Better than Bistro du Coin and Les Halles, but I did miss the fries.

Dessert was a deep pot of chocolate mousse, rich and smooth, that my friends made fun of me for practically licking the sides of. So yes, Montmartre was a pleasant surprise, and I highly recommend it for a dinner with friends or even a good date.

Thursday: Sea Catch

I get the impression this Georgetown seafood restaurant is more of a power broker spot than it is a date night place, but I found myself really enjoying the decor. Mostly stone and wood planks, set in the lower levels of Canal Square in Georgetown, the restaurant backs up to the C&O Canal, and in good weather, they have tables set up overlooking the canal.

Appetizer- Hard to screw up a raw bar, but a half dozen oysters on the half shell, split between Wellfleets and Choptank Sweets definitely started the evening off properly. Fresh oysters are increasingly hard to find, and these were flavorful and large.

Dinner- After two nights of beef, it was time to shake things up. Grilled swordfish, in a light lemon white wine sauce. Large flaky steak, not overcooked at all, quite nice. But the highlight was definitely the button mushroom risotto which I had as a side. I'm pretty sure I could eat it as a side dish with everything I cook in my own kitchen.

By the time I finished all that, there was no room left for dessert, so I can't fill you in on the chocolate stylings of Sea Catch, but I'm sure they're good too.

I'm reasonably certain I'm headed to Philadelphia tonight to hit Morimoto's for the fifth year running, so perhaps there will be an addendum to this post later in the week.

In the meantime, I know you're all jealous, and if you have questions, feel free to shoot them out. Bon Appetit!

OHHH-klahoma where the wind goes sweeping down the plain... (Or How Not to Throw Your Own Wedding)

2007-04-16T13:18:00.000Z

I spent the last 3 days in America's Heartland for my cousin's wedding. Tulsa, Oklahoma- My 4th visit to that city. I just realized I couldn't come up with a single adjective to describe Tulsa. I was going to put one there, and the only thing that came to mind was...

Dull...

The big storm that hit DC yesterday, hit Tulsa on Friday, which meant that we were essentially stuck within our hotel staring at nothing but Oral Roberts University across the street. Although the giant praying hands always do amuse me slightly.

"Welcome to college, say your prayers or you are f*cked!"

Anyway, the only thing that redeems Tulsa in my opinion is the fact that there are about 20 different Sonic drive-in restaurants in the city, including one DIRECTLY NEXT DOOR TO MY HOTEL. And you all know how I feel about the Sonic.

Two visits over the weekend, including a 1:30 am run for the new Hot Fudge Shake with Oreo, and may I just say, its like drinking Heaven... :)

The wedding itself left something to be desired, my cousin and his new bride decided to prove they were fully adults and left their parents out of the planning process. I don't recommend this approach. You don't realize how many little things need to be accomplished, and having an experienced adult who can make lists comes in very handy.

For example, these are things I watched happen less than 3 hours before the wedding, as my cousin panicked and came to my hotel room looking for help (mind you, I'm not part of the wedding party).

4:00 pm- Phone call from the Groom. "I need to use your laptop to burn a CD." "What's the CD for?" "I need to get the music for the processional."

4:10pm- Groom calls his mother. "Do you know where my tuxedo is?" "Can you bring it to me?" "Do my brothers have theirs?" "I need them to meet me at the mansion to set up for the wedding... tell them I'll buy them Arby's or something."

4:15pm- Groom turns to me. "Did I tell you about my shoes? They were supposed to come today Standard Overnight." Me- "Standard Overnight doesn't deliver on Saturdays, Priority Overnight does." Groom- "Yeah, I found that out. I had to drive to Fed Ex and make them go in the back and sort through all the pallettes until they found the box."

4:25pm- Groom asks his mother, "Do you know where my brother's guitar is? I didn't take it with me when I checked out of my hotel room earlier." Yes, the $1,200 guitar is now missing. He had wanted his brother to play at the reception.

4:40pm- Groom turns to me. "Do you have any black socks? I meant to pick some up, but I forgot, I guess I can get them on the way to the mansion."

None of this takes into account stuff like the Groom's aunt writing the place cards 30 minutes before the ceremony.

Or the phone call I got at the family dinner prior to the ceremony, asking me to untap a keg from the hospitality suite, because one of the keg taps (yes there were kegs) for the reception was broken. (There was also white and red wine, served in pitchers. Nothing but the best.)

Or the bride yelling at the groom for not having done his teeth whitening in the weeks leading up to the ceremony. Her- "You better do it tonight (Friday), because I'm not going to have to Photoshop every single one of our pictures..."

Or my grandmother letting the whole family know just how long the groom has been celibate for at the rehearsal dinner. How she came to know this information still confuses me. Then again she was on her seventh Dewars on the rocks with a twist.

Typical family drama took place- my uncle who everyone hates showed up, but only for the ceremony, then disappeared again by the time the reception started. He basically ignored his own grandchildren for the weekend, much to their parents' dismay. We all drank heavily and said inappropriate things, because well, that's what we do.

So I'm back, survived my flights in the bad weather, managed to spend 45 minutes in a Tulsa casino and I guess no worse for wear, but I made two promises to myself.

1) Let a responsible, experienced adult help me make wedding lists. Planner, mom, whoever...

2) Don't go back to Tulsa anytime soon. There are other ways to look at busty girls dressed like strippers and have my Sonic Hot Fudge Shake.

Sliced Bread

2007-04-11T15:26:00.000Z

Earlier today, a friend told me that her new IPod FM transmitter was "the greatest thing since sliced bread."

Which obviously leads to the question, What's so great about sliced bread???

Yes, yes... I enjoy sandwiches as much as the next person, (and judging my waistline, more than some), but let's face it, if we didn't have sliced bread, we'd be eating our ham and turkey on crackers and we'd be enjoying the hell out of it. We wouldn't know what we might be missing, but there's a reason why nice dinner parties serve cheese and crackers. They go quite well together!

So I put it out to the blogosphere... What do you consider the greatest thing since sliced bread? Or is sliced bread not so great? Should we return to the "greatest thing since the invention of the wheel?" Is some other innovation worthy of its own cliche?

The Checklist

2007-04-06T18:07:00.000Z

A lot of my friends have lists of things they want to achieve by the time they reach X years old. Some of these lists are mental, some of these lists are actually written out and kept in a diary, or a desk drawer. Every time they achieve something on the list, they check it off, and feel a tremendous sense of worth I'm sure.

I never made one of those lists.

TLTL told me after we broke up that I lacked initiative. While she didn't feel I was lazy, she thought that I lacked a certain desire to go out and make things happen. I wonder if that's why I don't have a list.

I have a birthday coming up this month. It's not one of those "landmark" birthdays that should be causing a lot of angst or self-reflection, but recent events in my friends' lives have had me comparing a little more than I might normally. Of my closest three guy friends from high school, one has been married for a year, one is getting married this summer and just bought a house last month, and the other just finished law school last year and bought a house this month.

By contrast, I live in a group house, paying rent, with a freelance job that isn't a 40/hr a week position. I'm not in a long-term committed relationship, although I once was the first one who was, and the first one everyone thought would be married.

I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, and I'm not even particularly unhappy. I have some great friends who care about me more than they care about themselves, family who would jump in front of a bullet to protect me, and let's face it, I'm not too hard on the eyes... (just seeing if you're still paying attention).

So as this birthday approaches, and it appears that I may not be heading to my favorite restaurant for the first time in five years, I have to remember that its not necessarily so important how quickly you get to major life landmarks; it is far more important to appreciate the ride along the way to them.

Here's to hoping this next year is a fun trip...

A Victory Nearly 28 Years in the Making

2007-03-30T16:31:00.000Z

I bite my fingernails. I have been doing it as long as I can remember. I don't just bite them, I also pick at them with my other fingers. Since I was a small child, my hands have looked shredded, beaten up, and raw.

When I had nothing left to pick at or bite, I started in on my toenails. Gross, yes I know, but I picked at them too. Not nearly to the extent of my hands, but a bad habit nonetheless.

I've never been able to stop. I don't know that its a nervous habit, or because I'm stressed, or if I have a manual fixation... maybe some of all of the above. My parents used to yell at me for it for years. When I was eight, they offered me a Nintendo NES system if I could show them a hand with five full fingernails. I managed to grow two. I got the NES anyway. I'm a brat.

My grandmother used to smack my hands every time she saw me biting or picking. I couldn't make myself stop, even though I knew she was disappointed in me.

About two weeks ago, I found a bottle of "nail strengthener" in a friend's medicine cabin. Clear nail polish essentially... not sure what makes it "strengthen" nails. So I used it... a couple more times later that week, reapplied the polish.

Last week, I removed the polish... I found myself rubbing the edges of my fingers, playing with the edge of the nails, snagging them on the seams of clothing and fabric.

Today, I clipped my nails... for the first time since I can remember. It may not last, I may start biting again this afternoon, but its a still a victory.

Quintessentially DC Items?

2007-03-22T18:38:00.000Z

Last year, when I went to Austin, one my friends down there pulled together gift bags that represented things that were unique to Texas, such as Lone Star beer, Mesquite BBQ chips, buttons that said "Everything is Bigger in Texas", etc...

So one of my good friends has a crew coming into town next weekend, and I suggested she do the same thing for their time in DC. But now we need to pull together a goodie bag of DC stuff... sample ideas include Utz Crab Chips, Washington landmark refrigerator magnets, but we need more good ideas.

Since I'm a native to the area, I'm actually a bit uncertain what some of things we have here are, that the rest of the country may not have.

Any thoughts? Anything you crave when you first return to DC from your respective homes?? All ideas are appreciated...

What's the Frequency, Kenneth?

2007-03-19T17:50:00.000Z

So I'm watching the replay of last week's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction this afternoon. And the final induction of the day is REM. And before each band is presented, they show a video montage of highlight's of the band's career.

This montage contains clips from their entire career, from the Athens, Georgia days of Radio Free Europe, to Stand, to Out of Time, Monster, and Automatic for the People, to the new albums of the last couple years since Bill Berry left the band. And as I watched the montage, all I could think of was "Damn, why do I always forget how much I love this band?"

At any rate, I dont know how that happens... I have 12 or 13 of their cds, yet when people ask me what I listen to, I never mention them among my first choices. And I didn't 10 years ago... but they were there then, and they're there now. So here's to longevity, and here's to Michael Stipe, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, and Bill Berry too.

So enjoy this clip from the induction...

Belated Thoughts on Yesterday's "Holiday"

2007-03-16T09:45:00.000Z

So as many of you in the blogosphere have pointed out, March 14th is Steak and BJ Day, or Valentine's Day for men.

While I can't remark on whether I celebrated it properly, I will say that it sparked an interesting conversation with a friend on what if Hallmark sold cards to honor the occasion.

Sample copy for cards:

(from a guy)
Roses are Red,
I like my steak rare...
You better go down on me
After we play truth or dare...

or these from girls:

You're a good man,
I'm not a tease...
I'll make you your dinner,
Then get down on my knees...

or...

I'm not a slut,
I’m not a ho…
I’ll cook you a steak,
And perform fellatio!

or...

I'm from the south,
Yes I do have a twang...
Its why I'm good in the kitchen,
And better on your wang.

or...

All the snow is melted…
Spring has come on like a fever…
Tonights all about YOU….
So don’t worry about my beaver.

or...

I love barbecue,
And corn on the cob,
So after dinner,
I'll slobber your knob...

Feel free to send in your submissions/ideas. Maybe we can write Hallmark for next year! :-)

A Return to My Southern Roots?

2007-03-12T16:00:00.000Z

Previously in my blog I've discussed my white trash tendencies, but I want to briefly discuss one of my biggest pet peeves about living in the DC metro area. I grew up here, I love it, but it drives me crazy that frequently we are subjected to national advertising for products and retail outlets that we do not have here in DC.

Two of the key ad campaigns that I feel neglected by are Sonic and Buffalo Wild Wings... For those that don't know, Sonic is the single greatest fast food "restaurant" in America today. From their "drive-in" slots where the food is brought to your car, to the Sonic Blast ice cream concoctions, to the tater tots as a side dish; Sonic is a slice of heaven. Alas, its only available in the southern U.S.

Buffalo Wild Wings (or BW3) is a staple of most college towns across the south and midwest. The perfect sports bar, with a variety of flatscreens and projection TVs showing every sport imaginable, plus the availability of NTN trivia. Not to mention a menu with every fried chicken product you can dream of, with a choice of 16 flavors of sauce, from sweet to spicy...

So after venting to friends for months about the travesty of being subjected to Sonic advertising without getting my tots, I decided it was time to step up to the plate. I looked up the closest Sonic to DC. Fredericksburg, VA... I smell a road trip! Bonus points were added when I learned the Fred also featured a BW3...

Yep... so yesterday was the big day. Gathered a couple friends, jumped on the highway, and one hour later pulled into charming, downtown Fredericksburg, VA. Turns out most of the Fred is taken up by a giant mall/shopping complex called Central Park. BW3 was found among one strip of the complex.

1:45 pm... Pulled up a table, started watching the ACC Championship game, ordered some wings... life is good.

3:30pm... Eating more wings and fried mushrooms, on my 2nd 23 ounce beer, watching the Big Ten title game, playing online poker.

5:15pm... More wings, watching NASCAR, playing NTN trivia.

6:15pm... Watching NCAA tourney selection show, more poker.

7:00pm... Did someone say its time for Sonic?

7:30pm... Pull into my drive-in window, 2 burger meals (w/ tots), 1 chili dog meal (w/tots), and one Oreo Sonic Freeze.*

8:30pm... Still at Sonic, dessert time... 1 Cherry Slush, 1 Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Sonic Freeze.

9:30pm... Home safe and sound... with a slight belly ache, but a very happy heart!

* - Note: Not all food was consumed by PRSlave, remember I had friends in the car too. ;)

Ain't No Guilt Like Jewish Mother Guilt...

2007-03-09T19:48:00.000Z

So last night a friend took me to see a play. I'm a pretty big theatre buff, and I'm generally willing to try new things, so when she suggested a very small play I had never heard of, I was willing to take a shot.

This won't be a theatre review, so I'll refrain from naming the play or playwright (if you're desperate to know, email me). The show was mostly a series of flashbacks of the life of a middle-aged male, whose mother (Jewish) had done an unbelievable number on him. And by unbelievable number, I mean everything from trying to forbid him to leave for college after his bags were packed (she didn't think he was "mature enough" to be on his own) to asking him not to get married at his rehearsal dinner (she couldn't be all alone) to uncoverable physical interaction where it was just blurry enough whether she wanted her oldest son to replace the husband who beat her and left her.

Heavy stuff, and admittedly, this playwright worked to overload it just a bit to hammer his point home. Subtlety was an artform this play did not possess. But since I got out of the show, its had me thinking about my own Jewish mother, as well as others I've had the opportunity to see.

I readily admit that there is something about the Jewish maternal influence, that makes the use of guilt and manipulation a requirement in their lives. Particularly when it comes to their first born sons; the "Golden Child", the "Perfect Boy", the "Lamb of Her Loins" (tm last night's play). Somehow they always manage to make their compliments come across as a slight, their approval come through as hedged... The ability to turn from pride to disdain within the same conversation or even the same sentence is unmatched in the rest of society.

My own mother, despite my moderate successes - both personal and career, still holds the randomest things against me. While my professional life may have yet to reach "stellar" status, I have worked for major companies, won a variety of awards, etc... yet she always finds a way to point out that I could have moved to the Midwest after college and rocked the airwaves as a radio DJ. She KNOWS I didn't want to go there for that position, but still thinks I made a mistake and likes to remind me as such.

Historically, I've dated many more non-Jews than Jews. Its not that I have a specific type, but just circumstantially has seemed to work out that way. So no matter who I've dated the last few years, and how great they treat me, she still manages to bring up the one girl from sophomore year of college who I dated from two months, and was yes, Jewish... again despite the fact that she KNOWS this girl cheated on me by sleeping with her ex. And that would be preferable how???

I still don't know what her goal is by pointing these types of things out to me, but for whatever reason, she continues to do it. And I've seen it with my grandmothers to my parents, and to friends as well... Jewish mothers have it down cold. Some may say all mothers do, but I think there's a built-in chromosome that allows Jewish moms to take it to a higher place.

Any Jews or Goyim out there want to share their thoughts?

Dawson Leery, Future Domestic Violator

2007-03-06T15:03:00.000Z

So as previously mentioned on this blog, my current employment situation has provided me an abundance of free time. I've fallen into quite a tv routine, with the launching point being the 9am episode of Dawson's Creek on TBS. While watching the high school traumas of Capeside, Massachusetts all over again, I've come to a shocking realization...

Dawson Leery will grow up into a man who beats women.

When I was younger, watching the show the first time around, I remember often comparing myself to Dawson. It was so easy to understand how the beautiful girl could drive him crazy, and eat away at his very soul. Torture that overdone can only be felt by a hormonal pubescent male. I had a female friend that I was sure was the great love of my life, and she just wanted to be friends. The world was against me. I was Dawson Leery...

But then the plot changed... the rebel, the dorky, misunderstood best friend had a shot. Pacey Witter, the reluctant hero. He was everything I was, awkward, well-meaning, fighting to get out of the background. You couldn't help but root for him, as he made his play for the lovely Joey. I found myself abandoning my prior identity and relating to Pacey. As their love triangle evolved and regressed, my loyalties switched, and I began to resent Joey for her inability to let Dawson go.

But that's neither here nor there... the title of this post is the key. While watching these episodes all over again, we've now reached the part of the series where Pacey has declared his feelings for Joey, but her loyalty to Dawson keeps her from giving in (for now, I know she changes her mind later).

Dawson's response to his friend's betrayal is a range of every overblown, melodramatic tool in the 16 year-old boy's arsenal; yelling, guilt trips, devious schemes to embarrass your rival, pouting to yourself, spreading malicious gossip to poison friends... everything but physical violence against those he feels have offended him.

And that's why he'll grow to beat women. He's exhausting every possible emotional recourse, and because he is sooooooo tortured inside about it all, he's using up all the emotional outlet he has before he's really ready to. The human body only has a finite reserve of melodrama for use of the course of its life, and Dawson has finished his off far too early.

At one point in today's episode, Pacey begs Dawson to hit him, just to get it over with, but of course Dawson pussies out. Had he just thrown that one punch, it might all have been saved, but instead, once he becomes a real adult his future of wife-beating is in the cards. All he'll have left to express anger, will be violence.

In 15 years, when James Van Der Beek is a bald, out-of-work actor with a paunch over his jeans, and Dawson's Creek, The Later Years comes on as a tv movie... you watch, it will be Sheriff Pacey Witter arresting him for assault and battery. Just some food for thought...

Passive-Aggressive Much?

2007-02-24T22:33:00.000Z

I don't respond to passive-aggressive behavior. I find its use to be insulting and a poor way of expressing yourself. (Friends would probably tell me that I'm passive-aggressive myself, but I'm going to choose to overlook that for now.) At any rate, this afternoon was a prime example of the sort of thing that annoys me.

I live in a four bedroom, two bath house. Which means that two of us share each bathroom. I share mine with GirlRoommate. In general, I'm a semi-clean person, not obsessive by any stretch, but I do clean up after myself in the common areas of the house, including the bathroom. One of GirlRoommate's pet peeves is that I shave over our sink, and trim my beard there. I'm conscious of the mess this can make, so I do wipe the counter down of beard trimmings fairly regularly. Our counter also contains the usual array of toiletries; shaving cream, toothpaste, contact lens solution, and Nyquil...

Apparently our bathroom has recently become a habitant for ants. While at lunch today, I received the following text message.

"We have ants in our bathroom - i killed about twenty of them - they r all over your medicine bottles - could u please clean the counter today @ some point?"

Not necessarily the cruelest of messages, but after I returned home a bit later from lunch, with the Hoyas game on the tv, she proceeded to storm around our kitchen, slamming dirty pots and pans around, throwing dishes into the dishwasher, smacking cabinets, while sighing loudly and cursing to herself. Apparently she was also annoyed with the stack of dirty dishes that 4 people can accumulate, although she claims that she hasn't made dinner at any point this week.

Somehow she perceived all this to be my fault, or at least was determined to make me feel like it was. Memo to the rest of you: Sighing and cursing to yourself won't make me feel bad for your burden. It does nothing but make me think you overreact. So my simple response was to keep watching my game, turn up the volume to counter the vacuum cleaner when she decided it would be helpful to clean a 3 square foot section of our kitchen, and wait for the game I care about to end, before I would clean the bathroom as she had asked.

You do not force me to do anything... if you want my help, you ask politely if I will... or you suggest that it might be appreciated if I could assist you. You dont just huff and puff and act as though you're the only one who is annoyed by mess, especially when you have never once acted to clean your own bathroom in the house. (Yes ladies, the boy is the one of the two of us, who vacuums, washes the mirror, and scrubs the tub and toilet).

Needless to say the rest of the afternoon has been spent in virtual silence, with her downstairs, and me upstairs. My other roommates have been blissfully unaware of the pseudo-drama. Lucky them.

PRSlave Once Again?

2007-02-22T21:36:00.000Z

Well its not the most ceremonious of notices, but perhaps some of you will be happy to hear that I am again part of the work force.

In the interest of blog anonymity, I'll just say that I will be freelancing for a large communications agency, working on a variety of consumer-related accounts, with a likelihood of getting picked up full-time in a couple of months.

I'm reasonably excited about the opportunity, although the first project which I started earlier today was a pitch project with no advance notice. At any rate, its good to making money once again...

To sleep... perchance to dream??

2007-02-17T07:58:00.001Z

Its 3am, and I'm listening to Fox Sports Radio, but its not putting me to sleep...

Got home at a reasonable hour, tried to stay awake for a phone call that didn't go nearly as smoothly as I had hoped, and now I'm tired of tossing and turning.

Insomnia is a bitch... its so easy to take something that will make you sleep most of the way through the night, but you never feel rested afterwards, and its a dangerous crutch to use too often.

So as I struggle to clear my head, here is a list of things I find myself wanting (in no particular order):

- a new job
- soft, chewy chocolate chip cookies, where the chocolate pulls apart as you eat it
- to be 20 pounds lighter
- to be free of jealousy
- to be lying next to someone, with them stroking my hair
- a steaming bowl of Shanghai Wonton Noodle Soup
- to forgive and forget
- my dad's dog to stay a puppy forever
- to be a number one priority
- to pay off all my debts
- to get 9 hours of uninterrupted, unpharmaceutically enhanced sleep
- the Redskins to have a decent pass rush next year
- a weekend of 75 degree weather
- long-time friends to find a little more time to check in on me

Back to the pillow I suppose...

Boogity, Boogity, Boogity... Let's Go Racing!

2007-02-15T19:12:00.000Z

I often tease my friends that I possess "white trash tendencies." Yes, I'm a upper-middle class Jew from the metro DC area, who has never lived farther south than Burke, VA. Yet, I often find myself appreciating some of the cultural events traditionally associated with the southern, dare I say, less-educated portion of America.

Among my hidden passions are a fondness for professional wrestling. I make a point to watch WWE Raw pretty much every week, and have now attended the Verizon Center 3 times to see my favorite "stars" in action. (and yes I know its fake).

But the point of this post is my larger and more devout passion... NASCAR! I am a NASCAR fan. I remember when I was young, my grandmother used to watch racing, but I think she just liked the sound of the engines. So I had some idea who the drivers were. But my true appreciation came from my previous job, when I had the opportunity to work trackside promotion at several races. I must say, you haven't lived till you've spent three full days in all of NASCAR's glory, interacting with race fans who've been camped out in their RVs all week drinking Bud and Miller Lite and who will do anything for free t-shirts, frisbees, or pizza coupons.

After working the events for the weekend, I was fortunate enough to be given tickets as well. I have now sat in both the grandstand with the masses, and the luxury suites with the VIPs. I'm pretty sure its impossible to be sober in the grandstand, I hadn't even started drinking yet, and I was getting a contact buzz from the collective breath of my fellow fans.

The great thing about the grandstands is the array of loyalties you see. NASCAR is like a college football game, but instead of 2 passionate fan bases, you have 43... and each one hates several others. Jeff Gordon fan? Then you must hate Dale Jr, Tony Stewart, and Matt Kenseth... Junior your guy? Then you clearly can't stand Jimmie Johnson... and they're just as vocal, despite the fact that the engines drown out anything short of a nuclear detonation.

VIP suites have their benefits as well... for starters, the free food and booze is a definite plus. Additionally, have windows in front of you, muffles the sound enough to be able to talk to the person next to you. And there's the possibility of meeting important people, like NFL Hall of Famer Jim Kelly who happened to sit next to me in Charlotte last year, (yes, I'm name dropping).

At any rate, in case you were wondering who my driver is, that would be the Home Depot #20... driven by Smoke, A.K.A. Tony Stewart, who conveniently drives for Joe Gibbs Racing. So my sports allegiances continue to line up with my Redskins.

Gatorade Duels today at 2 and 4pm to set the lineup for Redneck Christmas Day! Daytona 500 baby!!!

I feel pretty... oh so pretty...

2007-01-29T18:23:00.000Z

When I was in high school and college, every so often I would paint my toenails. Nothing girly, but usually a deep blue or forest green. I'm not really sure why. I guess I just wanted to make a bit of a statement about my individuality. My father even "supported" me by painting his big toe blue to show my mother that it didn't mean anything other than that I was bored.

My sophomore year of college, most of the people of dorm room floor knew me as "Blue Toe Boy..." I don't think it lasted for long, maybe a week or two, before I removed it, but it certainly was fun to see the surprise on people's faces.

Which brings us to yesterday...

Hanging out with one of my friends, watching Iron Chef last night, while she was painting her toenails... somehow it seemed like a good idea again. Probably won't last the week, but my toes are currently a deep burgundy.

Redskin colors? I'll go with that...

Walls

2007-01-05T05:01:00.000Z

So I've realized that I'm really good at building walls around myself...

I do it to keep people at a certain distance. I think I believe I'm trying to protect them from letting me hurt them as I'm fairly certain I often do. The key drawback to this distance though, is after a while, people find something/someone more interesting to focus on, and they move on, and I end up realizing that I'm the one who's being hurt by abandonment. I was taking the attention/friendship for granted, and now its too late for me to pull it back in.

I do it with friends, I do it with potential romantic partners, I even do it with my family. Time and again, I warn people to stay away, don't let me hurt you, and yet with increasing frequency, I'm the one who ends up in pain when they ultimately take my advice.

When you have a crisis of confidence it becomes so easy to shun the outside world, tell everyone that you're not worthy of their time, of their emotion, of their attention. But once they grow tired of the negativity, or just find some new person or way to channel their desire to help, you end up as the one who actually finds out that it is a lonely existence, and suddenly you really wish all that attention was where they had tried to send it.

Who did I piss off this holiday season?

2006-12-26T04:32:00.000Z

So in an effort to get out and be social, I decided to go try and find an open bar in Old Town tonight. Picked up my friends who were nice enough to treat me to Christmas dinner with their family...

Pretty much everything in Old Town was closed, except Murphy's. So we figured we'd check out the waterfront then circle back to the Irish pub. Was making a turn at the bottom of King St, and apparently didn't come to enough of a complete stop. Cue the flashing lights...

Random ticket, not so bad right? No, apparently I have an outstanding moving violation that I was not aware of, caused my license to be suspended without my knowledge. So the cop couldn't let me leave. Fortunately, my father lives pretty close to where we were, and after a race between him and the impound tow truck to get to our location, they released my car to him (he's a cosigner.)

But now I have several tickets to pay, court appearances to make, and I don't even know what caused my license to be suspended.

I said it on the previous post... I hate this holiday.

Merry F'ing Christmas...

2006-12-25T19:34:00.000Z

So TLTL called today to wish me a Merry Christmas...

One of the drawbacks to being a Jew this time of year is that because our culture is so Christmas-focused, the entire city is virtually shut down, and with DC so transient, nearly everyone travels somewhere to be with their own family. So unfortunately, aside from the occasional phone call, I haven't really had anyone to talk to for about 3 days now.

I'm not quite sure why she still gets to me the way she does. The combination of missing the only family Christmases I've ever attended (hers) and the fact that she brought her new guy of 2 months home for the holidays managed to set me off, and make me sound bitter and angry yet again.

Lately, that's how most of our conversations end. I'm not unhappy that she's happy. On the contrary, I'm glad she is. She hasn't had it easy the last year or so either, but I always end up feeling like she's rubbing something in. Whether its potential New Year's plans, or just hanging out with old friends at places I wasn't invited to, I can't let the feeling go that part of her wants to make me jealous.

I don't really know that she does though. I mean she has to know it upsets me, yet she swears she tries not to, and then she really does care about me/want to be my friend. I stay in touch with several of my exes, but she's the only one that still affects me on a regular basis. I want to be moved on, most of the time I think I'm moved on, but today I just want to be held, and have someone to open presents with, or eat Chinese food, or see movies, and know that more than anything they want to be with me too.

I know I deserve that, I just can't prove it to myself, and let myself have it. Maybe its a case of more time, maybe its just the winter doldrums, but either way Christmas kinda sucks.

Sorry for the rant, I genuinely hope you all are having the happy holidays that you deserve, and hopefully if/when I ever encounter any of you, I'll be back to the shiny, happy, REM-loving person that I'm capable of being.

I'm just a jew... a lonely jew... on Christmas...

2006-12-24T16:20:00.000Z

So all the roommates are out of town, all the friends are out of town, or busy with their families eating roasted goose and figgy pudding or some such culinary delight.

Me? I'm in my pajamas watching VH1's "I Love the Holidays" and only laughing when Michael Ian Black is on. (He makes these shows.) At least there's football on later.

Maybe I'll clean the house? So yeah, if anyone wants to meet up for a beer at whatever one single bar we can find open in Arlington, give me a shout!

Kristen and the Noise

2006-12-15T07:29:00.000Z

So under normal circumstances this post would be a recap of tonight's performance by the Dewey Beach cover band at Clarendon Grill, which I attended briefly with some former coworkers. For what its worth, the band was in solid form, and I greatly enjoyed watching the sardine-crushed crowd from the back of the room in the early stages of their evening's pre-fornication.

However, the title of this post is actually far more fitting for what I encountered when I returned home at the end of the night. As I walked downstairs towards my bedroom, I was surprised to hear a male voice (my downstairs roommate is female, with the name referenced above), saying "We are definitely having sex again."

Appropriately dismayed, I quickly retreated upstairs to the living room, only to be graced with approximately 40 minutes of some of the finest porn moaning I've ever heard. Needless to say, her companion was clearly an expert at cleaning her pipes...

I certainly don't begrudge my roommates getting ass, as I would expect them not to have an issue if I had a guest. However, its one thing to be able to hear it from the room next door. A seperate floor, with the TV on, is a bit extravagant. Especially as it also woke up my roommate's girlfriend who was sleeping upstairs in his room. She and I compared notes as we waited the happy pair out from the living room.

So they've finally quit and gotten ready for bed. But I'm now wide awake. Hopefully sleep will come soon. It's been far too long a day...

Paging any lost tuba players... anyone?? anyone??

2006-12-04T17:24:00.000Z

Forwarded to me from a friend...

To: Kennedy Center Staff
Subject: Merry TubaChristmas

It's that time again everyone. Today, Monday, the Millennium Stage
presents 200+ tuba players performing holiday classics in the annual Merry
TubaChristmas performance. We ask that, please, if you see any lost
tuba players you point them in the direction of the North Millennium
Stage.

Hahaha, for god's sake... please do your part and help us steer them the right way!

Not sure what karma is trying to tell me...

2006-11-21T22:45:00.000Z

So for the first time in 12 years, I decided to stay in DC for Thanksgiving and spend it with my dad's family. (Previous years have been spent with my mother's family in either NY or Florida.) Part of my decision was based on my current financial state, but I also knew how excited my dad was to have me in town, especially since he's hosting the dinner this year for the family.

So in a twist of fate (bizarre one? karmic?), my father had to go to the emergency room early yesterday morning for an intestinal issue. It appears he'll be okay, although surgery is still a possibility. However, all signs currently suggest he won't be able to be discharged until after Thursday's dinner.

This leaves me helping my stepmother all week with the redecorating, moving of furniture, shopping, learning how to "brine" a turkey, and cooking required to feed 17 people for Thanksgiving. Obviously I don't mind, but it hardly seems fair.

Add it to the pile I guess...

Meeting Standards...

2006-11-04T13:52:00.000Z

Why is it that we try to hold people to standards that we think we meet ourselves, yet we never let them know we're expecting them to meet them? So if and when they fail to live up to our hopes/expectations, we get upset...

I know many of you post on the topic of dating and relationships, so I have a question for you. What are the rules of what is fair game in someone both you and your friend are interested in? If no one has established "dibs", is it just open season and may the best man or woman win?

I find myself watching this situation recently with a couple of my friends, one of whom is very open in telling me his thoughts on the topic. He feels like even though his friend didn't really know he was into the girl, the girl did, and by leading them both on, she let him down. Obviously this is helping him to move past her, but the question is whether or not its wrong that he expected her to be honorable knowing she was flirting with two good friends?

He knows he wouldn't come between two friends, so can he expect others to meet his own private moral standards?

The Prestige

2006-10-24T20:26:00.000Z

So I don't generally post movie reviews, but I feel I'm uniquely qualified to talk about this one. A little-known fact about me is that my grandfather was a professional magician for over 60 years, and as a child I often served as his stage assistant.

While I'm not nearly as attractive as Scarlett Johansson, I do think the audience trusted me. After all, what's more innocent than a 10 year old?

I'm not going to discuss the major plot points, I don't want to ruin the story for anyone else, although it is unfortunate that I saw the two big twists coming an hour out, but what troubled me more than anything about the film is the way the two rival magicians' attitudes towards the audience was portrayed.

Both Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale are fine actors, but both their characters treat their audience as a group to be deceived. This undermines the intent of pretty much every magician I ever met. No magician assumes to deceive their crowd, merely to distract them. It is a small distinction I know, but an important one. Magicians believe in the intelligence of their audience, and work to confuse and distort the images through a variety of spoken and visual techniques.

In the film, the two magicians instead work to control their audiences through increasingly elaborate illusions designed to suggest the most evil and diabolical end result. Its both disturbing and unsettling to watch the distaste they have for both the audience, and each other.

I freely accept that top-level illusionists don't necessarily get along. I'm sure David Copperfield and Lance Burton aren't best friends. But I've spent a great deal of time with the most respected magicians in the country, and while they don't share all secrets of their tricks, they certainly all work together to improve performance and illusion.

I understand this would not have made nearly as entertaining a movie if they got along, but I wish there would have been a bit more effort to portray the magicians as something other than the audience's antagonist.

Now that I've expressed my reservations, I will say this. Its a good movie, with fine acting all around, and if you don't see the twists coming, you'll love the ending. Now I have to get caught up on The Illusionist to compare...

Lessons on Love Learned from 90210

2006-10-19T22:51:00.000Z

And now for a long overdue melodramatic post...

One of the benefits of my current abundance of free time, is that I'm catching up on dozens of episodes of Beverly Hills 90210. (And yes, I'm a straight male admitting that I know which channel Soapnet is, digital cable is fantastic).

At any rate, one of today's episodes was the long awaited, long delayed, wedding of Brandon and Kelly. As most of you probably remember, the wedding never actually happens, because both bride and groom decide they are truly meant to be friends, and not married for the rest of their lives.

Kelly's rationale in a conversation to her mother is "How much doubt is too much?" I think that's the fundamental question we fight to answer in all our relationships. I know it was for me. It's what stopped me from proposing to TLTL. Four years into our relationship, I was still wrestling with the question. When is love enough? When is it okay to visualize a future life, or children, but also visualize being apart, or being afraid of ruining someone else's life? All those questions meant I was taking too long for her, and she needed to move on. Who could blame her?

Its all part of growing up I guess... the difference between a relationship at 18, or 23, or 27, or even 35. Sooner or later, I have to believe I'll just know. The doubt won't be too much, the alternative won't be frightening, and I'll be excited and eager to make that leap, and hopefully the person I'm with will feel exactly the same way.

As Ashburnite said in a fairly recent post, sometimes we just have to "Fake it, till we make it." I don't quite think I'll be faking it, but I probably will be trying things on for size...

Here's to the pursuit of something meaningful...

Halloween Costume Ideas?

2006-10-18T13:30:00.000Z

So despite all my new-found free time, I've been having a hard time coming up with suitable ideas for the upcoming day of debauchery.

In past years, I've dressed in drag, gone as Al Borland from Home Improvement, and other assorted randomness...

This year, I'm looking for something fairly simple, fairly humorous, and that doesn't require me to shave my chest. ;) Nor do I want to be completely lecherous (Hello giant Franzia wine box!).

So I turn to you, the wise, creative denizens of the DC Blogosphere, for fun ideas. I'm curious to see what you come up with, if anything, since none of you know much about me.

Also sorry I missed the HH, I swear I will make one of them sooner or later. In the meantime, its back to job listings and Dawson's Creek on TBS.

PR Slave No More

2006-10-06T13:11:00.000Z

Well my screen name no longer applies, as of 4:30 pm yesterday I was unceremoniously fired.

There's a big long story with a lot of drama and alot of allegations about my work which were untrue, but unfortunately there's not a lot of way to defend yourself when the decision has already been made.

I can't say I saw it coming, so it hurts pretty bad right now.

Thanks to my friends who took me out last night and got me drunk. Sadly they can't be here today during the day to do more of it, but I guess I need to figure out what the next step is.

But first I'm going to try and fight my way through a couple more hours of sleep, that I couldn't seem to get last night...

Austin City Limits - Recap

2006-09-28T19:13:00.000Z

So it took me 11 days, but I'm finally getting around to summarizing the trip... It would be difficult to convey the music and the social side simultaneously, so I'll split them up.

*Bands I saw that rocked the house (or Zilker Park as it turned out):

The Flaming Lips- Far and away, the show of the festival! Dancing Santas, aliens in miniskirts, the lead singer in a giant inflatable sphere... and oh yeah, they play good music too. Just a fun, fun time...

Willie Nelson- Apparently its not an official trip to TX, without catching a Willie act, so I can say I'm official now. Willie may be getting up there in years, but he still knows how to command a crowd. I also had no idea I knew so many of his songs, but hey, I'm okay with that!

Matisyahu- How can you not love a white, Jewish reggae star? Infectious grooves...

KT Tunstall- Apparently I'm the only person in America who didn't know the song, "Suddenly I See", but now that I do, I'm hooked... so in love with the voice...

Aimee Mann- Very classy... solid performance from a veteran of the stage. Although I wish she had dipped into the Til Tuesday catalogue...

Matt Nathanson- Yes, I have a man crush... so much fun. All songs should be dedicated to Ashlee and her new nose.

Bob Schneider- Not part of ACL, but saw him Friday night at a club. Apparently he's an Austin institution. I've had "Tarantula" in my head ever since.

*Bands I didn't get around to seeing but was told I missed out on:

Muse
The Shins
Stars
Nickel Creek
The Secret Machines
Randy Rogers Band
Patrice Pike

*Other bands I saw:
Tom Petty (could have been great if he didn't take a break mid-set due to rain)
G Love & Special Sauce
String Cheese Incident
John Mayer
Kings of Leon
Galactic
Los Lobos
Los Lonely Boys
Gnarls Barkley
Wolf Parade
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
Gomez
Buckwheat Zydeco

There were plenty of other acts as well, but that's a quick list of the key players. I had forgotten that drinking nonstop beer in 95 degree doesn't get me drunk, because I sweat it back out as quickly as I finish it. Oh well, that's what the flaming Dr. Pepper's, Bloody Marys, and Vodka Tonics were for...

And I'm officially in love with any girl with an authentic deep south, syrupy, saccharine accent. The word "stickybun" has never been such a turn-on... *sigh*

So much love to the kindly Texans who were nice enough to show these Yankees around, especially the ones who kept purchasing me drinks, so I didn't go completely broke on Shiner Bock.

I think my liver has finally forgiven me... so its safe to go to the VA Wine Festival on Saturday... mmmm, Barboursville...

Austin City Limits

2006-09-13T22:13:00.000Z

So as curious as I am to find out exactly what I-66 points get redeemed for, I'm going to have to miss another Blogger HH. I swear I will make one sooner or later.

Instead tomorrow morning, I head out for the first time ever to Austin, TX for Austin City Limits; 3 days of music, drinking, and who knows what else. I've been waiting for this for 4 months, and I intend to make the most of it.

Bands I will definitely be seeing:

Van Morrison
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Guster
Willie Nelson
G Love and Special Sauce
Matt Nathanson
Gomez
Aimee Mann

Bands I will probably see:

John Mayer
The Tragically Hip
Nickel Creek
The Shins
The Raconteurs
The Secret Machines
Ben Harper
The Flaming Lips
Matisyahu

And up to 150 more!!!

Check in with you all on Monday... have a great weekend!

Five Years Later...

2006-09-11T13:34:00.000Z

You're missed as much today, as you were then.

R.I.P. Lisa...

Random Thought of the Day...

2006-09-07T20:26:00.000Z

The first ever blogger... A completely stream-of-consciousness conversation here at work today allowed me to realize that the first blog ever belonged to Mr. Doogie Howser, M.D.

Remember how every episode ended with him typing in his little computer diary? He was so ahead of his time.

Granted, Al Gore hadn't invented the internet yet, but still... a trendsetter from the beginning.

You go Doogie!

The drawback to being a DC Native...

2006-09-01T21:30:00.000Z

I always forget this part...

Holiday weekends, everyone has somewhere to go. I don't.

Trips home to see family, one last beach trip, first college football road trip of the season...

Not me, I'm here.

The storm clouds are gathering...

I just gave them a reason to fire me...

2006-08-24T18:32:00.000Z

So I definitely just made the biggest mistake I've made in my time here...

I was supposed to send up a fax on behalf of the client to a 12,000 member industry. Working with a new vendor, I set it up, programmed it to go out at 1pm, uploaded the file to be sent...

At 1:30, I start getting phone calls from angry industry members. Instead of the document I was supposed to send, somehow I uploaded the document that had my login info for my account with the vendor.

7700 people got the wrong fax before I could cancel it. Over 300 of them called to complain so far...

I don't think this is going to end well for me. Ugh, I don't make stupid mistakes like that...