Toxic

If you ever have the misfortune of meeting me, I have a key piece of advice for you...

Don't believe any of it.

Don't be swayed by the dorky sense of humor, or the abundant sarcasm, or the incessant pop culture and movie references.

Don't buy into the self-deprecation of my physical flaws, or the constant height jokes, or the eyebrow that raises independently.

Don't be impressed by the trivia knowledge, or the sports statistics I can quote, or how I know all the words to Baby Got Back.

Don't be fleeced by the way I rest my hand lightly on your back, or the direct eye contact, or how I hold doors open.

Don't believe any of it.

You're better off just turning away now, trust me...