OHHH-klahoma where the wind goes sweeping down the plain... (Or How Not to Throw Your Own Wedding)

I spent the last 3 days in America's Heartland for my cousin's wedding. Tulsa, Oklahoma- My 4th visit to that city. I just realized I couldn't come up with a single adjective to describe Tulsa. I was going to put one there, and the only thing that came to mind was...

Dull...

The big storm that hit DC yesterday, hit Tulsa on Friday, which meant that we were essentially stuck within our hotel staring at nothing but Oral Roberts University across the street. Although the giant praying hands always do amuse me slightly.

"Welcome to college, say your prayers or you are f*cked!"

Anyway, the only thing that redeems Tulsa in my opinion is the fact that there are about 20 different Sonic drive-in restaurants in the city, including one DIRECTLY NEXT DOOR TO MY HOTEL. And you all know how I feel about the Sonic.

Two visits over the weekend, including a 1:30 am run for the new Hot Fudge Shake with Oreo, and may I just say, its like drinking Heaven... :)

The wedding itself left something to be desired, my cousin and his new bride decided to prove they were fully adults and left their parents out of the planning process. I don't recommend this approach. You don't realize how many little things need to be accomplished, and having an experienced adult who can make lists comes in very handy.

For example, these are things I watched happen less than 3 hours before the wedding, as my cousin panicked and came to my hotel room looking for help (mind you, I'm not part of the wedding party).

4:00 pm- Phone call from the Groom. "I need to use your laptop to burn a CD." "What's the CD for?" "I need to get the music for the processional."

4:10pm- Groom calls his mother. "Do you know where my tuxedo is?" "Can you bring it to me?" "Do my brothers have theirs?" "I need them to meet me at the mansion to set up for the wedding... tell them I'll buy them Arby's or something."

4:15pm- Groom turns to me. "Did I tell you about my shoes? They were supposed to come today Standard Overnight." Me- "Standard Overnight doesn't deliver on Saturdays, Priority Overnight does." Groom- "Yeah, I found that out. I had to drive to Fed Ex and make them go in the back and sort through all the pallettes until they found the box."

4:25pm- Groom asks his mother, "Do you know where my brother's guitar is? I didn't take it with me when I checked out of my hotel room earlier." Yes, the $1,200 guitar is now missing. He had wanted his brother to play at the reception.

4:40pm- Groom turns to me. "Do you have any black socks? I meant to pick some up, but I forgot, I guess I can get them on the way to the mansion."

None of this takes into account stuff like the Groom's aunt writing the place cards 30 minutes before the ceremony.

Or the phone call I got at the family dinner prior to the ceremony, asking me to untap a keg from the hospitality suite, because one of the keg taps (yes there were kegs) for the reception was broken. (There was also white and red wine, served in pitchers. Nothing but the best.)

Or the bride yelling at the groom for not having done his teeth whitening in the weeks leading up to the ceremony. Her- "You better do it tonight (Friday), because I'm not going to have to Photoshop every single one of our pictures..."

Or my grandmother letting the whole family know just how long the groom has been celibate for at the rehearsal dinner. How she came to know this information still confuses me. Then again she was on her seventh Dewars on the rocks with a twist.

Typical family drama took place- my uncle who everyone hates showed up, but only for the ceremony, then disappeared again by the time the reception started. He basically ignored his own grandchildren for the weekend, much to their parents' dismay. We all drank heavily and said inappropriate things, because well, that's what we do.

So I'm back, survived my flights in the bad weather, managed to spend 45 minutes in a Tulsa casino and I guess no worse for wear, but I made two promises to myself.

1) Let a responsible, experienced adult help me make wedding lists. Planner, mom, whoever...

2) Don't go back to Tulsa anytime soon. There are other ways to look at busty girls dressed like strippers and have my Sonic Hot Fudge Shake.