Wednesday, March 19, 2008


If you ever have the misfortune of meeting me, I have a key piece of advice for you...

Don't believe any of it.

Don't be swayed by the dorky sense of humor, or the abundant sarcasm, or the incessant pop culture and movie references.

Don't buy into the self-deprecation of my physical flaws, or the constant height jokes, or the eyebrow that raises independently.

Don't be impressed by the trivia knowledge, or the sports statistics I can quote, or how I know all the words to Baby Got Back.

Don't be fleeced by the way I rest my hand lightly on your back, or the direct eye contact, or how I hold doors open.

Don't believe any of it.

You're better off just turning away now, trust me...

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Blank Page

What does a writer do when he runs out of words?

Forgive the indulgence, I don't really consider myself a "writer", but its too easy to throw that term around. I think we all want to consider ourselves one anyway. It's hard to be a real writer though, when you only post twice a month, and your content generally consists of half-satirical analysis of mid '80s rom-coms and the latest reality show weirdos.

Fifteen years ago, writing consisted of tortured melodramatic poetry over the first girl to turn me down, and badly rhyming song lyrics to music that was never written. Now writing consists of hastily typed text messages with "u" and "ttyl". Capitalization and grammar have vanished. (I refuse to type "LOL" or "OMG").

Now writing consists of press releases about scientific research I don't understand, and powerpoint presentations about the latest innovations for improving our environment.

Now writing consists of one sentence emails to friends and coworkers, not multi-paragraph breakdowns of my weekend or the girls I miss or the new song that speaks to me.

Is writing lonelier now? Less intimate, less passionate as we pass messages along as quickly and straight to the point as we can.

I think I've forgotten how to properly converse, assuming I ever really knew. Only child syndrome, enabled by years as a latchkey kid with a television for a babysitter. Luke Duke and Zack Morris never talked back to me. How I wished they did...

I guess sometimes this blog provides the fitting example of that. What could be more lonely than writing a commentary or question to a potentially global audience, and not having any clue if you'll ever get it answered. Sure I have statcounter to tell me that people clicked and likely read it, and a few of you are nice enough to periodically comment on things you find amusing or relevant, but each time I type here, I have no idea if anyone will respond or identify with what has been written.

Possibly relevant quote I just found online...

"The first word in happiness is 'ha' and the last word in 'lonesome' is 'me." - Paul Westerberg

This was just a writing exercise I needed to try and get my mind working again... sorry its been so long between posts.